The Basement
by xSeshatx
Summary: Ponyboy Curtis was kidnapped when he was only four years old. Nine years later, he was found chained to a basement wall. How does Ponyboy cope when he's placed back with his family? Does he remember anything about the life he was supposed to live or does he have to start from the beginning? Can his brothers and new friends help him regain control on his life or is it too late?
1. Chapter 1: The Basement

To be honest, I almost forgot I had a family to go home to. It had been years since I had seen them. I was four when I was taken. Stolen from my home. Nine years later, the first four years of my life no longer mattered. When you ask me now what I remember from my childhood, I would tell you I remember darkness. I lived in the darkness for nine years. I rarely got the chance to see light, let alone go outside. But I had been so used to the light, or lack there of, that darkness didn't phase me. Light did. Horribly.

There comes a time in your life when you realize that what you're hoping for isn't going to happen. You waste all your time expecting something that you're suddenly left with nothing when it hits you that whatever you wanted isn't gonna happen. For maybe the first three years since I had been taken away from my family, I waited expectantly for them to show up one day and take me back home. I remember the day I realized they weren't coming. After one of the usual beatings, I was allowed upstairs for once. I never asked why and they never offered an explanation. I sat on the couch with my kidnappers while they watched TV. I was allowed to watch so I did. The light from the TV hurt my eyes. I couldn't watch TV like I used to and then it hit me how long I had been away from my family. That was the last time I cried. I was seven then. When I was found, I was thirteen.

When the police found me in the basement, I didn't know why they were there. I had long forgotten that there was life outside of what I knew. I shouldn't say I had forgotten, because I hadn't. It was more along the lines of me pushing it out of my mind. It seemed normal. I was almost sad to see the people I grew up with thrown in prison. I was relieved that there wouldn't be a trial for them because all of my kidnappers had pleaded guilty. At the same time, though, I was angry. I was angry that they gave up that quickly. They could've tried to fight. I would've stood up for them. I guess they didn't think I would. I hated myself for ever being scared of them because I figured that since I closed myself off to them they automatically thought that I would go against them in court.

I wasn't allowed to talk to or see my real family for a few weeks after I was found. I wasn't stable for it, they explained. I could admit that I was physically unstable due to how sick my body was but at the same time I wanted to see them. No matter how much I would miss the people I lived with for nine years, I missed my family more, even though sometimes I didn't believe it. I was kept in the hospital during this time. I convinced the doctors to keep the lights off but they wouldn't let me stay in the dark all day. They'd turn the lights on periodically in the hopes that my eyes would grow accustomed to them. I wasn't allowed out of my bed so often but after the first week or so I started physical therapy. I had barely walked while I was there. My legs were weak and I couldn't support myself, especially after I started gaining more weight. I still barely spoke, even after three weeks in the hospital. I didn't want to talk. I didn't mention anything that's happened in that basement. I didn't mention anything about my kidnappers. I only spoke when I wanted the lights off or if the nurses asked me a question that wasn't personal, like how I was feeling.

After a few weeks, the doctors said I was stable enough to go home and see my family. I really liked that idea. I wanted to go back home. I wanted to see my family. I was scared to, though. As much as I knew it was wrong, I wanted to go back to my kidnappers. I wanted to go back to living in their basement while they abused me every day. I almost cried at the thought of never seeing them again, but I never cried.

It came to the day where I was allowed to go home. One of the nurses went out and bought me clothes I could wear so I could finally change out of the hospital gown. She also got me shoes. I hadn't worn shoes since I was taken and I can't say I ever liked them. I sat on the bed with my knees up to my chest while I waited for my family to come by.

And they did.

All four of them appeared in the doorway. My mother was in tears as she smiled at me. My dad seemed to be choking back his own tears. My oldest brother stared at the floor but I could still see the tears. My other older brother was grinning ear to ear at me. He wasn't crying but I could tell on his face that he had been. I just stared at them. I didn't smile or cry like them. I didn't move. My mother walked slowly towards me.

"Ponyboy..."


	2. Chapter 2: Coming Home

We all soon gathered in the car and left. Sodapop sat in between me and Darry in the back seat. My dad drove and my mom kept looking at me in the side mirror. I wanted to look out of the window but my eyes were too sensitive for that much sunlight. Nobody spoke the entire way. What could you say? 'Hey, welcome home'? It wasn't like I went camping for the weekend.

We got inside our house and the four of them all looked at me. "Do you want to see your room?" Sodapop asked me. I knew I was closest to him. I remembered how I looked up to him. I remembered how safe he made me feel. Me and him only had a two year age diffrence while me and Darry had six years. I nodded to him and he led me down the hall. I knew where my room was. When I stepped foot inside the house, I remembered where everything was. I remembered it so clearly. I didn't want to tell Sodapop this so I just let him lead me.

He opened my bedroom door and stepped aside, letting me in first. It didn't look like how I remembered it. It was clean. I didn't see no clothes or toys laying around like they were when I was taken. My bed was bigger than I remembered, too. I saw I had a desk. I walked over to it and saw my stuffed animal. A dog. Scruffy, I named him. I got him when I was a baby and I kept it by my side because I felt like it would keep me safe. It was ironic that the day I didn't bring it was the day I was kidnapped. I picked him up and stared at him.

"We always kept your room clean," Sodapop said after a long moment of silence. "Just in case we'd find you. We kept all your toys and baby clothes. They're in your closet."

I turned around and looked at him. I saw silent tears running down his face. I set Scruffy down on my desk and took a few steps to Sodapop. He looked up at me with hopeful eyes. Before I realized what I was doing, I had him in a hug. I hugged him as tightly as I could, which to be honest wasn't tight at all. I didn't have much strength. He held me back as tight as I was hugging him. I tensed up when he hugged tighter so he relaxed his muscles a little. My body was weak and fragile.

"I missed you so much," he cried in my ear. I buried my face in his shoulder. I almost started crying myself but I lost the ability to cry years before. "I never stopped believing we'd find you."

"I know," I said even though I didn't believe it. I believe they all gave up hope a while ago. Just like I had.

"C'mon," he said, pulling away and wiping his eyes. I followed him back out to the living room where my parents and Darry stood waiting. The second I was in the room, I guess my mom lost her self control because she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me. She was gentle, like a mother should be.

Darry was next. It was a quick and awkward hug. He was the first to let go. I was hurt. I felt like he didn't want me there. I decided I'd just stay away from him as much as I could.

My dad refused to hug me. "When you're ready for that, you'll come to me," he said. I was grateful because to be honest I wasn't comfortable with men as big as him and Darry.

"Mom," Sodapop said, "can I take Ponyboy out?"

She looked at me with worried eyes. "I don't know. He just got back and...Are you ready for that, Pony?" she asked me. I nodded. She still looked unsure but she agreed. "Alright...But both of you have to be home by six for dinner. Ponyboy, here," she said and handed me sunglasses and sunscreen. "The doctors said how you'll burn easy in the sun and I know the light bothers you." I nodded again and began putting the sunscreen on my arms, face, and neck. Then I put the sunglasses on. "Sodapop, you be careful. Please don't let him out of your sight."

"Don't worry, mom," Soda said with a small smile. "I'm not letting him away from me."


	3. Chapter 3: Bonds Can Last A Lifetime

Me and Sodapop stayed quiet while we walked. I wanted to ask where we were going but at the same time I didn't want to speak. He eventually spoke, breaking the silence. "Did you, uh, ever go into town there or somethin'?" he asked. I shook my head. I only stepped foot outside once since I was there and it was only outside the house. Never into town. I didn't even know if I was in the town or the country. "Are you hungry?"

"A little."

"Let's go to the Dingo. That's the greaser hangout," he said, putting his thumbs in his pockets.

I smiled a little at that. "Haven't heard about greasers in a long time."

"We'll have to teach you how to be a greaser," Soda said with a light laugh.

"I remember gettin' into Darry's hair grease when we were small."

"He doesn't wear hair grease anymore but the rest of us sure do. 'Member Steve?"

"Your friend," I said, nodding. Steve was always fun to be around. He didn't like me too much because I was Sodapop's little brother who had no friend but at the same time I don't think he minded it much when I played with them. We were all kids after all.

"We got other friends. Steve is one of 'em."

"Who else?"

"Dally, Johnny, and Two-Bit."

We didn't say anything for a while after that. We got to the Dingo and sat down in a booth. We sat opposite of each other. When the waitress came over and asked us what we wanted, we both ordered a Pepsi. I never had a Pepsi before but I wanted to try it. Mom didn't let us have Pepsi or Coke or anything when we were little. Understandable.

"What are they like?" I asked, sipping on the Pepsi. It was good. I liked it.

"They?" he questioned, raising one eyebrow.

"Your friends."

"Two-Bit never shuts up. He tells lots of jokes. If you ever need a laugh, he's the guy to talk to. Dally grew up on the rough side of New York. He's a lot tougher than the rest of us. He's always gettin' into trouble. He's proud of that. Johnny is a quiet kid. He keeps to himself for the most part. He has a rough time at home," he said, looking out the window.

"Why do you like them?" I asked, biting on my fingernails. It isn't like they sounded like bad people. I knew they had to be good people if my brother was friends with them. I just wanted to know why he was.

"They're good buddies. Loyal. The best type of guys to have around. Life wouldn't be the same without them. They keep us laughin' and smilin' and we're all there for each other."

"When will I meet them?"

"Whenever you want to," he shrugged. "They all know about you. I don't know if we told them you were comin' home today or not."

"I want to meet them now," I declared. He looked over at me.

"Are you sure? You just got back an' all..." I had a feeling that he wanted to spend time with just me and him.

"Yeah. I just...I want to pretend like none of this happened..." I felt my body start shaking and I realized I was scared. I hated being scared. Being scared was rare. I liked to keep it that way. "I want to act like I've been here this whole time. I want to.."

"Hey," Soda said gently, suddenly appearing next to me. He put his hand on my back and I flinched away. He kept his hand there anyways. "Pony, we can do that. Yeah, we'll meet my friends right after lunch. We'll pretend you've always been here." I couldn't calm down. It had been almost a month since I've been out of the basement. Each day my anxiety grew more and more. There was a knot in my throat. I squeezed my eyes shut.

The moment passed and I felt my body relax. I looked up at Soda and he was staring at me with tears in his eyes. I took a deep breath and sat up straight. "Can I try fries?" I asked him.

"You don't remember what fries taste like?" he asked and I shook my head. "I'll get you some fries. Anything else?"

"No, thank you."

He went back to his seat and we stared at each other for a while. "What was it like?" he eventually asked. I didn't answer. "I know none of us are supposed to ask you anything like this, but I was just wondering..."

"What was what like?" I asked softly. I didn't mind Sodapop questioning me. I really didn't. I trusted Sodapop more than anything, even after all those years. All that time away from him didn't weaken our bond, it felt like.

"The fear..."

I smiled lightly at him and leaned back. "Normal, I guess. I don't know how to describe it." I 'met' my family only a few hours before and I was already changing from how I was in the basement. I didn't know if I liked it or not.

"One more question."

"Yes?"

"Did you...think we wouldn't find you?"

I was silent for a long time and he didn't push it. By the time he ordered my fries and himself a burger, I still hadn't answered. He probably didn't think he'd get an answer. I didn't answer until the waitress brought us our food. "Yes," I finally said. "I thought I would never be found."

 **A/N Hey everybody, thanks for reading my story. This story is completed but I'll post a new chapter or two hopefully every day. I will read any reviews people leave for me and, if there are any suggestions, I might possibly add or change things. Just because this story is finished doesn't mean it can't be edited. Let me know how you think the story is going so far. Thanks again :)**


	4. Chapter 4: Meeting New Friends

Have you ever looked at a person and decided mentally that they were going to be your best friend? That's how I felt when I looked at Johnny for the first time. I saw that look he had in his eyes. He was scared of the world and I didn't blame him. I wondered if I had that same look but then I remembered that I had sunglasses on. They couldn't tell if I did or not. I assumed I probably did, though.

Sodapop was introducing me to his friends. "This is my brother, Ponyboy. That's Johnny and that's Two-Bit. Steve is probably at work right now and Lord knows where Dally is."

"So," Two-Bit started saying, "you're famous Mr. Curtis." I could only nod. I stayed behind Sodapop. "Finally. Another Curtis that I can drive crazy."

Crazy made me flinch. I was told everyday for nine years that I was crazy. I wondered if it was true. If it was, I didn't want to be near Two-Bit. I didn't want to make my crazy worse. Now I know how stupid I sounded then but at the time that's how I was thinking. I eventually grew to love Two-Bit. I loved everybody in the gang.

Two-Bit and Sodapop started joking and laughing. I felt jealousy in the pit of my stomach. I was jealous that Two-Bit could be so carefree with Sodapop when Sodapop was so careful with me. Johnny came over and stood by me. I was grateful for that. I was nervous around big guys so I was nervous with Two-Bit. Johnny looked around my age. He might have been bigger than me but he was still small, I think.

"Hey," he said quietly.

"Hi," I whispered back.

"Nice to actually meet you," he said after a long moment of silence. "I feel like we know you with how often Soda talks about you."

I shrugged. "I don't know how much he has to say." And that ended our conversation. What are you supposed to reply to that? I hated myself more for saying something stupid like that. I didn't want to end my conversation with Johnny.

"Soda," I called out after about ten minutes. He turned and looked at me. "Can we go home?"

"Course, kid," he smiled. He pat Two-Bit on the back and ran over to me and Johnny. He messed up his hair.

"Aw, c'mon," he whined, fixing his hair back up. Soda only messed it up again. Johnny groaned but I don't think he honestly minded it. He smiled at Soda while he groaned.

"Later, Two. See ya, Johnnycake," he said, waving as we walked away. When we were far enough away, I turned and looked at Soda.

"Johnnycake?"

"That's our nickname for Johnny. His last name is Cade."

"That's a nice nickname."

"You okay, kid? Why you wanna go home?"

"I'm really tired," I said and yawned, proving it. "I'm not used to walking."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Yes."

"How much do you remember about me?"

I shrugged. I remembered plenty but at the same time I felt like I remembered nothing. "I remember that you were always laughing and you smiled a lot. You were very carefree. You could cheer anybody up and you always looked for the good in things. I know that I wanted to be like you."

"Do you still want to?"

I shrugged again. "I don't know. I don't know much. This all feels new to me." That was the truth. Everything I saw felt knew.

"That's because it is," he said gently.

I laughed lightly. "Docs would be shocked that I said anything. Been in the hospital for about a month and I barely spoke." I don't think I meant to say that out loud.

"Why?" he asked, placing his hand on my shoulder.

"Nothing to say."

"You're talkin' now," he pointed out.

"Yeah...but I know you, so it's okay."

He smiled at me and placed his arm around my shoulders. I smiled, too, and leaned against him. If only he knew what was going through my head. Sure, I felt comfortable around Sodapop but at the same time I didn't. I wanted to be back in the basement with the people I grew up with. Part of me wished I never knew Sodapop. He was the only person I felt I had a connection with in my family. Well, maybe not the only one, but we had the deepest connection for sure. Even after all those years. I wondered how I'd 'bounce back'. Would I even want to be there? I may have missed my family, but I knew one thing.

I didn't want to be home. But did I?


	5. Chapter 5: Meeting An Old Friend

"How are you, Ponyboy?" mom asked when me and Sodapop came home. Then she looked at Soda before I could answer. "Did you come across any trouble? Any at all?"

"No, mom. We ate a little at the Dingo and met up with Johnny and Two-Bit," he said, sitting on the couch beside her. The only open spot was next to Darry so I decided I'd just sit on the floor. I hugged my knees to my chest and stared at my parents and brothers. I didn't hate Darry. But he was big...and I felt like he didn't like me.

"No Socs bothered you?" Darry asked, looking only at me. "Socs are the rich kids." I knew that. I wish he didn't act like I remembered nothing. But I guess it made sense why he would think I didn't remember.

"I know. I remember."

"I'm goin' out tonight," Darry declared, turning his attention to mom.

"Your brother just came back. Don't you want to stay home with us?" she asked, frowning.

"I had this day planned for a few weeks already. I doubt he's gonna get to talkin' day one. I won't miss anything."

I looked away from him. "Let him," I whispered, standing up. I turned to the door and walked out, shutting it quietly behind me. I sat on the porch steps and hugged my knees to my chest.

Being home was nothing like I had ever imagined it, even though I stopped imagining. I used to imagine I'd come home and everybody would hug me and hold me and remind me I was safe. I remember that those first few years, I craved it. Then I started caring about the men who took me and I felt like I deserved the beatings. I wanted to be back in the basement. That was their way of showing me they cared. They were showing me how to be a better person. I was already disregarding most of what they said. Don't speak unless spoken to directly was their number one rule. Don't move. Don't make a noise. Do what they say the second they say it. I listened pretty well while I was there. I couldn't understand why I wasn't acting the same since I had left the basement. I wanted to pay those men a visit someday. I missed them. I would've cried but I wasn't able to cry anymore.

"Ponyboy?" Sodapop said, sitting next to me. I nodded to show I was listening. "Don't let Darry get to you. He missed you...a lot. He isn't sure how to deal with you bein' back yet. It doesn't seem real to him. He's scared that he's gonna wake up and realize that it's a dream. He was in denial about you bein' back until you got here today. He still is in denial. He's scared, ya dig? He doesn't want to lose you again."

I shook my head. "Don't you lie to me. I remember. Me and Darry never really seen eye to eye as kids."

"That don't mean he doesn't care, kiddo," he said, putting his hand on my shoulder. I fought my body's natural reaction to flinch at his touch but I think I flinched anyways. Sodapop wouldn't hurt me. I was safe with him. "You were the baby. You know how it is. He was already six years older. By the time you were old enough to understand what was goin' on around ya, he was at that age where it was embarrassin' to hang with your kid brother."

"You never reached that age."

He smiled at me. "Course not. But you're two years younger than me. He got six years on ya. Three years between us and we can still be buddies, ya dig? Six is a little different. He's gonna be goin' back to college soon. He's an adult. Just turned twenty a week ago. He was awful sad that he didn't get to see ya for it but he won't admit it. He's like Superman."

"Superman is a cartoon character, right?" I questioned, just wanting to confirm my knowledge.

"Yeah. A super hero," he said. "Darry is like a super hero. He stays strong and keeps his real feelings hidden. Most of his feelings come out as anger or he acts like they don't exist. He's dealin' with his fear by pretendin' this don't matter to him. He cried last night. First time I saw him cry in a while...Anyways, it's freezin' out here. How 'bout we go on inside?"

"Sure," I shrugged and stood up. My legs were shaking and I think Sodapop saw because he threw an arm around my shoulders again. I didn't really mind the contact but, again, I flinched. What Sodapop made sense. Ignoring the reason he's scared? I did that, too. Maybe Darry did want me home. Maybe I shouldn't be scared of Darry.

"Honey, are you okay?" mom asked when we came back in. "We told Darry he shouldn't go out but I'm sure it still hurt, but he didn't mean it to hurt."

"I'm okay," I said, stopping her before she can continue. I turned to Darry who didn't look happy. He was glaring but when I took off my sunglasses, his face softened. He wasn't glaring at me. He was just glaring. "I know me being here is different. I'm...glad. I'm glad cause you aren't changing how you are just cause of it. I'm glad you're acting like it's normal. And you were right. You won't miss much. I'm tired so I'll probably sleep after dinner." I looked back at mom. "There really isn't a reason to force him to stay here. I understand."

"Are you sure?" she asked, looking between me and Darry. He had an unreadable look on his face but when we made eye contact again I saw guilt mixed in with relief. I don't think the relief was that he was going. I think it was the relief that I understood.

"Yes. I want things to be normal. Do everything the way you normally do. I want to catch on...normally. Just from being here. Is that okay?"

"Of course it is, honey," she said, smiling weakly at me. "Darry, you can go out tonight, but try to be back home before one, okay? And be safe."

"I will, mom," he assured, standing up. He stood in front of me for a moment before cracking a small smile and walking away. But he stopped and turned back to me. We stared at each other for a moment before he put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. "I'm glad you're back...Really glad." Nobody moved or said anything until he was out of the house.

"Well," Sodapop started, "if normality is what he wants, can I have Steve over? Steve knew Ponyboy before."

"Yeah, Steve can come over," dad answered, ignoring mom's uncertainty. "How's his dad treating him?"

"Better the past few days but you know how quick that can change," he said, looking down. So Johnny had a horrible home laugh and Steve's dad was mean to him. I wondered what else I'd learn.

"Give 'im a call and have him come by for dinner."

"Okay," Soda grinned.

I sat back down on the ground and put my sunglasses back on. The light in the room was really bothering me. I was also really tired. I wasn't used to all the talking or walking even though I had physical therapy for the previous two weeks. Sodapop came back in smiling, saying how Steve would be there in an hour. Then he turned his attention to the TV. But I saw him looking at me every few minutes. I saw mom and dad looking, too. I felt like a fish. I almost laughed at the comparison. Ponyboy the fish.

After a while, the door opened. "Hey, Soda," somebody said happily. I turned and saw Steve. He looked the same as when he was a kid. I only knew him for a few months when I was taken but he was over almost everyday out of those few months. He looked down at me and shock went across his face. "Hey...kid."

"Hello," I greeted, nodding at him.

"Soda, you didn't tell me he came back today," he said, shutting the door.

"Surprise?"

Steve grinned ruefully and rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah." He turned back to me and knelt down. I felt like I was a little kid with the way they were acting. I didn't mind, though. "Remember me, kid?"

"Yes. You're Steve. Surprised you and Soda are still friends."

"Why surprised?"

"Because things change," I answered simply. "Nice to see you again."

"You, too, kid," he said softly, his eyes showing sympathy. "How you like bein' back?"

"I could do without some things, like the light. But all and all, it's nice," I answered not-so-honestly.

"The light?" he asked, confused. He looked back at Sodapop.

"He, um, there was a lot of darkness," he answered awkwardly.

"Ah, shit, I'm an ass," he moaned, rubbing the back of his head.

"Steve," mom said in a scolding way. I tensed up and looked away, waiting for the beating to start. "Pony?"

"Yeah?" I asked, not looking at her.

"Something wrong, honey?"

"No," I said and stood up, walking to the bathroom. I had forgotten that punishments in my house weren't the same as in the basement.


	6. Chapter 6: No More Punishments

***Sodapop's POV***

When Ponyboy tensed up, my heart broke. He walked to the bathroom and I looked at mom, confused and worried. "Why?" I asked. She shrugged, looking distraught. I had a feeling she'd break down crying any second. Ponyboy had this look on his face when he walked out. A knowing look, maybe, or a suspicious one? Maybe unsure? Maybe I was just kidding myself. Maybe he looked scared but I didn't want to admit it to myself because I didn't want Ponyboy to feel fear anymore. But I know I can't change it. He'd probably be scared by what happened for a long, long time.

"Did I do somethin'?" Steve asked. I looked at him and he looked guilty. He must've had a feeling that he did something. If I was him, I'd think the same thing. I knew Steve didn't do anything. It had nothing to do with Steve. It had to do with Ponyboy's head. His memories. Those men.

"No. Somethin' probably got to him. I'll go see," I said and walked down the hall to the bathroom. I knocked on the door lightly, restraining myself from just running in there and holding my baby brother. "Pony?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

I opened the door and saw Ponyboy sitting against the wall with the lights off. I shut the door behind me and sat next to him. Even with the lack of light I could sense the paleness of his face. I could feel him looking around, expecting something to pop out at him in the darkness. "Somethin' on your mind?"

"I don't want to see what'll happen."

"What do you mean?" I asked. I was confused but I think I was just hiding what he meant because I didn't want to think about it.

"Steve did something that wasn't okay," he said, his voice making it clear that he thought it was obvious and proving my unwanted thoughts right.

"I still don't get it."

"I don't want to see the punishment."

It hit me then that he was probably punished a lot for things. I couldn't imagine what he had to go through. I knew deep down that he had a feeling it would be something along those lines but hearing the word 'punishment' come out of his mouth nearly broke me. But I couldn't break. I needed to be strong for Ponyboy. "Oh, Pony," I said gently. "There is no punishment. Mom and dad can ground us but that's all."

"That's where you can't leave the house, right?"

"Yes, or no TV, or somethin' like that. We aren't grounded often. Mom grounds the other boys, like Steve or Two-Bit, but it's usually no dessert or somethin' like that. There's nothing physical here."

"Nothing?"

"Well, us kids fight a lot. Nothing serious. We never mean it. We'll throw swings at-"

"Swings?" he questioned, sounding interested.

"Hits. Punches, ya know? Me an' Steve go at it a lot. We'll wrestle on the ground, hittin' each other, but with no intentions to hurt one another."

"Hurting each other...for fun?" he asked. I felt his body trembling. I was probably telling him things that I shouldn't have been. He had been back for a few hours and I was telling him that we basically hurt each other for fun, like he said. I tried to find the words but I never was good at that.

"We aren't hurtin' each other at all. Just actin' like we are."

"That's fun?"

"For us but people aren't the same."

"Did that...did it...Did I find that fun? Ya know, before?"

"Honestly, yes. You loved rough housin'. We'd try to wrestle Darry cause he was so much bigger than us but me an' you brought him down. Then he'd tickle us until we almost peed ourselves," I said, laughing at the memories. Wrestling with Darry had stopped when we lost Ponyboy. It was sort of a brothers thing that felt weird when we weren't all together. There were three of us. Not two.

"We..tickled each other?" he asked. He sounded scared and he flinched slightly.

"Yeah, Pony. Ya know? Like on the belly?"

"Oh...okay. Just the belly?"

"What else would it be, Pone? Feet and sides an' all but belly and sides for the most part."

"Not...you know...there?"

"There?" I questioned, not really understanding what he was asking. But I did. I was never up front with myself.

***Ponyboy's POV***

"There?" Soda asked, sounding confused.

In the basement I was used to being tickled. They'd tickle me there but it wasn't anything like tickling. They'd call it that. 'We're just ticklin' your peter' they'd say. I hugged my knees closer to my chest. I always hated those moments. Those weren't punishments...usually. Sometimes they were. I preferred it when they weren't, not that I liked it either way. It was more painful when it was a punishment. More humiliating and degrading. More weakening.

"Yeah...you know. There," I mumbled, embarrassed.

"You mean...?"

"Yeah. There."

"No, Pony, no. Did they...where you...did...God, Pone," he stuttered and I felt his hand on my arm. "Can you see me in here?"

"Yes."

"Okay. I can't see you well but look at me. Trust me, I'll know if you aren't lookin' at me," he said. I listened and looked at him. "We would never do that to you or anybody. Okay? We don't do that to each other. Never have, never will. Okay?"

"Okay," I whispered.

"Now c'mon. Let's go back out there. Steve really missed ya...we all have," he said and stood up, pulling me with him. He led me out of the bathroom and we went back to the living room. Mom, dad, and Steve all looked at us but quickly looked away as if they weren't holding their breath, waiting for me to come back.

"Wanna play poker?" Steve asked from the table.

"Hell yeah," Soda said, rushing over there with me.

"Sodapop," mom said, giving him a disappointing shake of the head.

"Sorry, mom," he said but sat down at the table anyways. "Let's teach Pony here how to play...and cheat."

"Why cheat?" I questioned. Cheating wasn't exactly a good thing, last I knew.

"That's how you play poker, kid," Steve laughed, dealing the cards to us.

Two hours of poker later, I was winning. I cheated like I was told to and I knew at the beginning that they were going easy on me but after some time I saw that they were honestly trying and were shocked that they were losing to me. "How in the hell is your kid brother beating us when he just learned the damn game?" Steve hissed to Soda who only shrugged and laughed. I thought for a moment he was genuinely mad at me but the playful look in his eyes relaxed me. Sodapop trusted Steve, so therefore I trusted Steve.

When the door opened, we all stopped and turned to see who it was. I saw somebody who I didn't recognize, but I knew the rest of them did. "Hello, Dallas," my mother said cheerfully. Dallas...Dally. He was Soda's friend. The tough one. He looked tough. Scary. But, looking at him closer, there was something in his hidden, locked deep within. Pain, maybe. "Joining us for dinner?"

"Nah, you know me. Just payin' a..." he stopped when he laid his eyes on me. I was probably a sight to see. A skinny boy with scars and bruises wearing sunglasses indoors. I'd stare, too. "Who the he-"

"This is Ponyboy," Sodapop said, not letting the boy finish his sentence. "My brother, 'member?"

"Well I'll be damned," he said, eyeing me up and down. "Maybe I'll be stayin' for dinner after all."


	7. Chapter 7: Bonding With The Gang

I helped Sodapop clear off the table for dinner but I didn't take my eyes off of the new boy, Dallas. Sodapop had said he gets in lots of trouble. I wondered what kind. Even with my sunglasses on, I guess Dally had saw me staring at him because he pointed it out to Sodapop. "Don't worry, Dal," Sodapop said, waving his hand. "He just doesn't know you."

"That's gonna have to change, huh?" he asked, leaning back in his chair. "So. Baby Curtis, huh? Welcome back."

"Thanks," I whispered but I don't know if the words even came out.

"He looks like you, Soda. Soon he'll have all these girls hangin' over him."

"Come off it," Soda laughed, knudging the chair so Dally had to grab the table to keep from falling. He took a swing at Soda who easily dodged it but even while he was laughing he saw me flinching. He frowned slightly and gave Dally a look. He seemed to understand because he didn't try to hit Soda again.

I started eating what my mom had cooked slowly but I wasn't really hungry. The fries I had ate at lunch still had me full but I tried to eat as much as I could. Plus it was weird having real food. The fries were weird enough, but this... It wasn't basement food, that's for sure. I started to get really tired and I wanted to go to bed. My eyes started closing but I tried my best to force them open. It wasn't working. I excused myself from the dinner table and went into my room. I looked around for clothes but didn't find any which made me sigh. I'd just sleep in what I had on. Not like it mattered, really.

I slid into bed and realized immediately how soft my bed was compared to the floor. I sank into the mattress and pulled the blankets tight around me. I saw Scruffy and my heart ached. I got up and grabbed him before settling back down in bed again. I hugged him close to me and felt my eyes close. Scruffy was my baby, really. As pathetic as it sounds, I found comfort in it. In what felt like a second, I was asleep.

I woke up with a start and I had almost forgotten where I was. I felt like I was back in the basement. Then reality hit me and I started shaking. I was afraid. Honestly, I was. I was afraid of those men who had taken me. I was afraid of the beatings. I was afraid of them taking advantage of my body. I was afraid of the yelling. I was terrified. I still missed them but that didn't take my pain away. Even though the pain was meant to make me a better person, I feared it. I felt shame in myself.

I slid out of bed and opened my bedroom door noiselessly. There was still talking coming from the living room so I figured Soda, Steve, and Dally were all awake still. I walked down the hall, forgetting I had Scruffy in my arms. The clock said it was a little past midnight. I didn't see my parents but I saw my brothers and their friends. Like I guessed, those three were still awake, but Darry had come home and Two-Bit and Johnny were over. I was surprised I was remembering everybody's name. Nobody heard or saw me come in but I wanted Sodapop so I made myself known.

"Hey, Pony. Can't sleep?" he asked me, standing up. He took a few steps towards me but he must've noticed something was off. Maybe he noticed the fear. He gently grabbed my arm and pulled me into the kitchen. "Are you okay, kiddo?" I shrugged, looking down. "Wanna stay in the living room with us?" I nodded. "C'mon then."

We went back into the living room and Steve and Johnny moved off of the couch, giving room for me and Sodapop. He sat down on one end and I sat on the other. He told me I could lay down if I wanted so I did with my head on his lap. That just felt like it was right even though I felt like I shouldn't be doing that. I hugged Scruffy tighter and closed my eyes against the light in the room. I wished I had my sunglasses but I wasn't gonna bring it up. Instead I just kept my eyes shut.

"Kid asleep?" the person I knew as Dally asked after a few minutes of silence.

"I think so," Soda answered, stroking my hair. "I think he was scared when he woke up."

"Why scared? He's back home. What's to be scared about?"

"Scared by his memories, probably."

"Scared or not, I'm just glad he's home," Darry spoke up. That made me feel better, knowing he was happy I was home. Having him say it when he thought I couldn't hear made it more true. He wasn't just saying it for me at that point.

"He seemed to be handlin' himself good," Dally said. "Good considerin' this was his first day with ya."

"I know he needs to adjust still...Thought you were gonna get punished, Steve."

"Me? Why? What ya mean?"

"When you swore. That's why Pony left the room. He didn't want to see you get hurt. Punishment."

"God dammit," Steve muttered. "When's he gonna speak up? He was found a month ago an' nobody knows what happened to him there."

"I know a little," Soda admitted and I felt nervousness creep up. I was scared he was going to tell them what I told him. Why would he betray my trust? "When he's ready for everybody to know, he'll tell you personally."

"You ain't gonna tell us?" Darry asked, sounding angry.

"Not my place to. I barely know anythin'. I ain't goin' against my brother."

"We understand," someone said. I couldn't place the voice. It was either Two-Bit or Johnny by process of elimination.

"He seems to like you," Steve said after a few minutes of silence. What was I, an animal? Of course I liked Sodapop. I love Soda.

"I would hope so," Sodapop chuckled. More silence. "I'll get him to open up about what he went through. Can't force him to. He was there for years. Can't imagine what's goin' through his head." I tensed up a little when I started thinking about what was going through my head. I was thinking about the punishments I would've been getting if I was back where I belonged. "Pony? You awake?"

"Yeah," I whispered.

"You feel okay? Why can't you sleep?" he asked. I didn't want to tell him it was because I had nightmares so I just stayed quiet. "Well, kiddo, you can stay out here as long as you want." I nodded and said okay.

"Who's this little guy?" Dallas asked and somebody took Scruffy away. I sat up, wanting him back. I felt angry at Dally for taking him and embarrassed for having him.

"That's his teddy bear from when he was a baby. Give it back, Dal," Sodapop said and Dally listened, grinning at me. I hugged Scruffy tighter and laid back down. I winced when I accidentally stared at the light. Sodapop asked Steve to grab my sunglasses for me while he went back to stroking my hair. "He used to never go anywhere without it. He was only a baby, after all. What'd you name 'im again?"

"Scruffy," I muttered, even more embarrassed saying its name. Steve came back and handed me my sunglasses. I put them on and opened my eyes back up. Everybody was staring at me.

"What're you thinkin' about?" he asked me gently.

I bit my lip and looked away from everybody. "Something awful's gonna happen," I mumbled.

"What doya mean, Pone?"

I felt uncomfortable. "I have a bad feeling about something... Soda, when will I go to school?"

He laughed a little too loudly at that. "You've been home for a day and you're already askin' 'bout school? We just got back from Christmas break last week. I'm sure mom will have you back in school within the next couple of weeks."

"Hey, kid," Dallas said. I shifted my eyes to look at him. "Enjoy your time out of school."

I wish he understood. I never went to school. It was something I missed out on. I didn't want to put that into words so I ignored it. "What grade will I be in?"

"I dunno, honey. You're old enough for eighth grade but with your lack of schoolin', we'll just have to wait an' see," Soda answered.

I looked at Darry. He was going back to college soon. That's what Sodapop had said. "Darry?"

"Yeah?"

"When are you going to college?"

"I'm on break right now. I'll go back in a few weeks."

"What's it like?"

"College?" he asked and I nodded. "I don't know. Feels good to be makin' somethin' of myself."

"What grade are you all in?" I asked, playing with my fingers.

Dally snorted. "I ain't goin' to no school."

"I'm a junior," one of them answered. It was Two-Bit. Sodapop had said he never shut up so I didn't understand why he was as quiet as he was.

"Sophomore," Steve said.

"Freshman," Johnny answered.

"Sophomore," Sodapop said, pushing my hair out of my face. I yawned and he grinned. "You should get some rest." I shook my head and curled up on the couch. The couch was really comfortable.

Everybody started talking again but about different things. I noticed that their voices were quiet and gentle compared to how they were when I wasn't in the room. Sodapop never stopped stroking my hair. That made me feel oddly calm and safe and I liked it. It was one of the best feelings, if I could be honest. Not only that, but I felt better knowing I was with my brothers and their friends. They all seemed like nice guys but frankly Dally scared me. Darry did, too, and Two-Bit. They were big guys and that intimidated me. Dally got in a lot of trouble. Darry seemed cold. Two-Bit was just big. But, in a weird way, I enjoyed the intimidation because I knew they were good people. Maybe they wouldn't use their size against me. Whenever I looked at Johnny, I saw fear. I wanted to get to know him. I figured we'd be good friends. I hoped, at least. I felt I'd be good friends with all of them. Even though Dally got in a lot of trouble he seemed to accept me. He wasn't mean or anything. Two-Bit was really funny. I heard him talking to Sodapop before and then everybody. He was more quiet when I was involved. Maybe he just didn't know what to say. Maybe it just seemed really funny because I hadn't had humor in my life. I remembered Steve from when I was little. He was around for a while so it just felt like he was my brother, too. So laying there with my head in Sodapop's lap made me question if I missed those men and that basement. I hadn't felt at home for a long time. Since I was four. I was thirteen now. Thirteen years old and I finally felt at home.


	8. Chapter 8: Thoughts From Sodapop

***Sodapop's POV***

"Pony?" I said softly, shaking his arm. He didn't move so I knew he was asleep. I sighed contently and looked up at the guys. "He's asleep."

"For real this time?" Two-Bit asked, raising his eyebrow. I nodded. "He seems odd."

"Odd how?"

"I dunno. Unaware?"

"He lived in a basement for so many years. Can't expect him to come out knowin' everythin'," Darry said and I looked at him. He had so many emotions in his eyes yet his face looked hard as always.

"How'd they catch the guy?" Dallas asked. "Ya know...the one who took him. How many were there again? Three?"

"They found three but they think there were more than that," I sighed. I couldn't imagine three people hurting my baby brother. Imagining more people made it nearly unbearable to think about.

"The guy who owned the house had a warrant. Searchin' for somethin', I dunno. Then they found Ponyboy...chained. In the basement," Darry went on.

"Pony didn't wanta leave. He was sayin' those guys hadn't hurt 'im," I continued.

"What? Why'd he say that?" Two-Bit questioned, disbelief evident in his voice.

"Police and docs said that's normal. He grew up there. That's the only place he knows," Darry said. I glanced down at Ponyboy. His breathing was slow and heavy and his body, which had been tense, was relaxed. He looked peaceful. I smiled weakly at him.

"Lemme get this straight," Dallas began. "He didn't wanta leave because that's the place he grew up so he thought it was okay?"

"That's what the docs and fuzz said," Darry confirmed.

"I'm gonna take 'im to his room," I said, standing up. I picked Ponyboy up and frowned. "He weighs like nothin'..." I walked to his room and laid him in his bed. I pulled off his sunglasses just to see him looking at me. "Pony?"

"Soda?" he whispered sleepily.

"Yeah, it's me, honey," I said, stroking his hair again. He just gave me a blank look. "Are you sleepin', Pone?"

"I'm cold," he mumbled, eyes drooping.

I pulled the blanket up around him. "Go to sleep, kiddo," I said gently. He nodded and closed his eyes. I kissed his forehead before going back to the living room, shutting the door behind me as I left.

"Why the sunglasses?" Two-Bit asked, looking between me and Darry as I sat down.

"Basements are dark," Darry said simply.

"He looked at me," I said, "but he was asleep."

"That's creepy," Two-Bit chuckled. I knew he didn't mean it seriously.

"I don't care. I'm just happy he's home..."

"Gotta show the kid how to be a greaser!" Two-Bit shouted a little too loudly.

"Give it time and we will," Steve agreed.

"Guys," I hissed in a hushed tone, "be quiet or you'll wake him."

"Whatcha thinkin' 'bout, Johnnycake?" Dally asked suddenly and everybody's attention turned to Johnny.

"Ponyboy," he admitted. We all probably were thinking about him. We talked about him a lot while he was missing. I cried to them sometimes. Darry expressed his worry. Steve took part of the missing him. Everybody else was there for support but we could tell they were worried, too, and missed him even if they didn't know them. Dallas had taken a particular interest in Ponyboy. He said that when he was found, he'd make it his personal mission to protect him. Nobody said anything but everybody shared a look. None of us believed we'd find him alive. "I wanna know what's goin' through his head."

"Don't we all," Steve sighed.

"Well," I said, stifling a yawn. I was tired but I mainly just wanted to be with Ponyboy. "I'm gonna crash for the night. Y'all stayin'?"

"Nah, I'm gonna head out," Two-Bit said. Dally also was leaving but Steve and Johnny were staying. I felt bad for them. They had it rough at home. Johnny's father beat him and his mother ignored him for the most part but when she'd yell, it was scary. We all knew how much he hated it. We did our best to protect him. I watched out for him almost as much as Dallas did. I wanted to protect him since I couldn't protect Ponyboy. I didn't want something to happen to him, too. Dallas was a tough hood but he had a soft spot for the gang's pet, which was Johnny. Apparently Ponyboy, too. Steve's mom wasn't around and his dad would fight with him every few days and kick him out. Sure, he tried to make up for it when he sobered up, but the damage was done. Steve was a hateful person because of his father. Steve wasn't hateful towards the gang, though. We were his family and he was ours. We all were family.

"See y'all in the mornin'," I said, walking down the hall after snapping myself out of my thoughts. Everybody had a rough time at home but even so everybody seemed to worry about Ponyboy. Just like I did, but I didn't have a hard home life, not anymore. Not ever, I guess. My home problems wasn't anything like theirs. Mine and Darry's home life was full of love and compassion. The problem was Ponyboy missing. We were grateful, though. With the pain our parents held, they never turned to drugs or alcohol and they did everything they could to keep us safe and happy. They were the best people.

Darry said his goodnights to Steve and Johnny before following me down the hall to the bedrooms. All four bedrooms were down the same hallway. First was mine, then Ponyboy's, then Darry's, and then our parents were at the end of the hallway. I stopped outside of Ponyboy's room. I had slept with Ponyboy a lot when he was young, like when he was sad or scared. It's something I never really got over. I was seven when I last saw Ponyboy. I thought of him every single day since then. I slept in his bed half the time just to feel closer to him. I cried myself to sleep more than I'd like to admit.

"Go," Darry said gently, appearing by my side. He must've saw my inner conflict. I was standing outside of Ponyboy's room, wanting to go in but also being too nervous to do so.

"What if he doesn't like that?"

"Then you'll know not to do it again," he said before opening the door for me. I nodded and slowly walked over to the bed. I crawled in next to him and he stirred. Light sleeper, I thought. I couldn't blame him with what he's been through. I wondered if I'd be able to sleep at all if that was me.

"Who's there?" he asked, his voice sounding awake. I noticed how tense his body was.

"It's just me, kiddo," I said, reaching up to stroke his hair. "It's Sodapop."

"Hi, Soda," he said, his voice already sounding more groggy. He turned to face me. His face looked softer. More afraid, but there was less of a wall surrounding his emotions. I guess that made him vulnerable. That's probably why kept that wall up.

"Mind if I bunk with you?"

"Sure," he said as he laid his head back down near mine.

"Remember how we shared a bed a lot as a kid?" I asked and he nodded. "Are you okay with this?"

"Yeah," he whispered, smiling sleepily at me. "I missed this."

I smiled when he said that and threw my arm across his chest. Almost instantly, he moved closer so his head was on my shoulder. Seeing him come into me like that made me smile more. After all that time, he still trusted me. He seemed unsure about everybody else but he was acting somewhat normal with me. I kissed his forehead and watched him smile. "G'night, honey."

"Night," he mumbled, half asleep. I pulled him closer to me and for the first time in nine years, I relaxed knowing my baby brother was safe.


	9. Chapter 9: You're Lookin' Good, Kid

***Ponyboy's POV***

I woke up unable to breathe. I tried sucking in a breath but it wasn't working. I felt like I was being suffocated from the inside. Inside of me. I tried to push past whatever was keeping me down but it wasn't working. I felt like I was trapped. Maybe I was trapped. Maybe I was still in the basement. Maybe I just had a dream. I was still chained to the basement wall.

"Pony, Pony, it's okay," I heard Sodapop say to me. No, that can't be right. Sodapop? No, he was with mom and dad, while I was with...them. My mind was playing a cruel joke on me. My eyes were open. I saw the basement. I didn't see my brother. After a long time debating with myself and feeling the pain intensify in my chest, he finally came into focus. He was staring at me with worried eyes. It was Sodapop. My brother. I was home. I wasn't hurt anymore. I relaxed against his arms and took a deep breath. I was safe. I could breathe because I was safe.

"Morning, Soda," I mumbled, my head on his shoulder. We were both sitting up but he was holding me.

"Mornin', honey. Do you have nightmares often?" he asked and I nodded. Every time I slept I had a nightmare. For the first few years it was of Sodapop or Darry joining me or my parents ending up dead and other things like that. I pushed them out of my mind as I got older. Thinking of them brought me pain and pain brought me weakness and weakness brought me more pain. "Wanna talk about it?"

"About what?"

"Your nightmare."

I could only shrug. "Just the normal."

"What would be normal?"

I shrugged again. "The tickling. Stuff like that," I said. I had no reason to lie to Sodapop. I trusted him. I would tell him anything if he wanted to know. I couldn't lie to him. Being with Sodapop meant everything was okay. Everything had to be okay. He was my solace.

"What doya wanna do today?" he asked, looking away from me for a moment with pained eyes. Extremely pained eyes. I wondered if I caused him that pain.

"What day is it?"

"Sunday."

"When do you go to school?"

"Tomorrow," he said and made a face. I smiled at that. Sodapop always was able to make me smile, even if I was too busy over thinking. I couldn't exactly over think as a four year old, though, but that doesn't matter.

"I wanna go, too."

"We'll talk to mom and dad about that today. But you never answered my question. What doya wanna do?"

"Learn," I admitted. "I wanna know how things are here. I remember greasers and Socs. I know that fights happen a lot. What else is there?"

"Nothin', really, if you want the truth. We hang around, get in fights, steal-"

"You guys steal?"

"Not so much me. It's mainly Two-Bit and Dally. Johnny, me, and Darry don't. Steve rarely does. It's a greaser thing. We just have consciences."

"What else?" I questioned. My new life sounded interesting and I was somewhat excited to take part of it.

"I don't know. Nothin'."

"Can we hang around town today?"

"Of course," he grinned.

"Can I shower?" I asked. I didn't get much showers growing up but in the hospital I had a lot. I liked them. A lot.

"Sure. C'mon, I'll get you some clothes," he said and helped me out of bed. He took me to his room and gave me some clothes that I knew immediately would not fit me. I thanked him and locked myself in the bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and frowned. I looked better than when I first went into the hospital but I still looked sick. I hated looking sick. I hated seeing my ribs. But at the same time I didn't know that was a bad thing. It was life. I discovered it was a bad thing when I was first brought into the hospital.

I traced my fingers over the many, many scars I had on my body. I had scars on my wrists from the chains and ropes when they dug into my skin. There were scars on my hips but I couldn't remember how I got them. I had them since I was maybe six. Along my chest, stomach, and shoulders I had scars from cuts and burns that were inflicted upon me from my kidnappers. My back had some nasty scars, too. Some areas of my skin were an odd yellow color from the bruises that were still healing. My legs were too skinny. I felt feminine with my legs but I knew I couldn't help that. My hair was rather long. Longer than any of the boys had theirs. I wanted to cut it. So that's what I did.

I dug around for some scissors. I looked at myself in the mirror and grabbed a handful of my hair. I marked an area to cut my hair to, which was around my shoulders. Not quite that long, though. I snipped away at my hair, watching it fall to the floor. I ran a comb through my hair and stared at myself a while longer. I fixed up a few areas until I was satisfied. Then I stripped and got into the shower, welcoming the hot water against my flesh.

I got out when the hot water started getting cold. I wrapped a towel around my waist and got out, laughing slightly when I saw the fog against the mirror. I swept up my hair and threw it away before pulling on my underwear and jeans. I frowned when I pulled them on. They were big on me. Really big. I sighed and just ignored it. At least I had clothes to wear. I dried my hair off before grabbing the hair grease. Just like when we were kids, I thought. I greased my hair back and studied myself in the mirror (after I wiped it down with the towel). I looked a little more normal so I slid my shirt on and decided I was content with it. I took my clothes into my room and put them in a basket. I made my bed and put my sunglasses on. The light from the bathroom had really irritated my eyes.

I went into the kitchen and saw Sodapop and mom sitting there. Mom looked up when she saw me and stared at me in shock before smiling. "Gave yourself a haircut?" she asked, coming over to hug me.

"Is that a bad thing?"

"Of course not, honey, no," she said. Then she laughed. "Oh, the hair grease. You used to make a mess outta this." She looked me up and down. "Hmm. Wanna let me sew those pants up so they fit you better?"

"You can do that?"

"Course I can. Sit down and eat. I'll fix them up when you're done."

"Okay," I agreed and sat at the table. Sodapop was grinning at me.

"You look like a greaser," he pointed out.

"Isn't that what we are?"

He chuckled. "Yeah, that is. You're lookin' good, kid."

"Woah, look at you," somebody said from behind me. I turned and saw Steve leaning against the door. "You look better with your hair cut, kid."

"Thanks," I said quietly. I took a bite of eggs and made a face.

"Problem with the eggs?" Soda asked, raising his eyebrow.

"I'm used to hard eggs," I said but took another bite anyways. They were soft but still tasted alright. I felt the nervous feeling creep up my stomach and into my chest. Something bad was gonna happen. I could feel it, and it scared me. "Soda?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you...feel like something bad is gonna happen?" I asked, biting on my fingernails.

He smiled at me but I could tell it was a forced smile. "No. Do you still?"

"Yeah."

"Don't think too much on it," he said, reaching over to mess up my hair. I frowned and fixed what he messed up, making him laugh. "Been a greaser for all of ten minutes and you're already all over your hair. Hey, Stevie, we're goin' around town today. Wanta come?"

"Got nothin' else to do."

"Gather up the guys. We'll go after mom fixes his clothes," Soda grinned, running to his room. Probably to get changed.

"How ya doin', kid?" Steve asked, coming over to where I was sitting. He stood next to me but leaned against the table.

"I'm doing okay."

"We...I...Well, I missed ya," he said, putting his hand on my shoulder before turning and walking away. I made a mental note that he wasn't big on affection. It made him uncomfortable.

"I missed you, too," I whispered, though I know he didn't hear me. I finished my eggs before going to find my mom. She had to fix my pants.


	10. Chapter 10: Ponyboy Doesn't Like Fights

"Better?" mom asked me when she finished with my pants. I stepped away from her, noticing that they fit my waist perfectly. She fixed the bottom of my pants, too, so I wouldn't walk and step on them. They were baggy on the legs but they'd stay up.

"Much. Thank you."

"Of course, honey," she said, smiling. She stared at me for a long while before bursting out crying.

"Mom?"

She threw her arms around me and hugged me tight. "God, we missed you so much," she cried into my hair. I didn't know what to do so I just hugged her back even though I felt uncomfortable doing so. The only person I was comfortable hugging was Sodapop. I felt like that made me a bad person because Sodapop wasn't my mother. But the longer I stood there with my arms around my mom, the more I realized I missed her arms. I hugged her tighter and closed my eyes.

A child never forgets their mother's voice. That's what people say. It's true. Nine years without her and if I wanted to, I could hear her talking. I usually didn't want to. I tried to pretend I didn't have a family. The men were my family...but no. My mom was my mom. My dad was my dad. My brothers were my brothers. They were my family.

"I'm home now," I said softly, pulling away after a few minutes of her crying. She looked at me again and kissed my cheek.

"And you're staying."

"I know," I said and gave her shoulder one last squeeze before leaving to find Sodapop. I was scared when he wasn't there, like I'd disappear at any given second.

 _God, listen to me. I've been home for a day now and I'm already clingy to Sodapop again and I'm letting my guard down. Stupid me. Is this what it's like having a family? It's so easy to be hurt this way. Why couldn't they just leave me in the basement so I didn't have to face none of this._

"Pony!" Soda shouted happily when I walked into the room. "Clothes fit?" he asked and I nodded. "Good. Now let's go."

He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the house with him. Steve trailed behind us and Johnny, too. I didn't know he was there. He's really quiet. "Sodapop! Wait up!" I heard Darry shout. I figured he was coming with us, too, so that made me smile. I wanted to be around Darry almost as much as I wanted to be around Sodapop. Almost.

When Darry came outside, they decided that we'd drive around. Darry said because I'd get tired, which was true and I was thankful for him thinking to drive. He seemed to be the brother who thought things through while Sodapop just did whatever came to mind. Darry and Steve sat up front while me, Soda, and Johnny sat in the back. I looked at Johnny to find him already staring at me. "Hi," I said quietly.

"Hi," he said back just as quiet.

"Y'all are gonna get along real well," Soda chuckled. "Both of ya quiet an' all."

"Where we goin'?" Johnny asked, turning to face Sodapop.

"The Dingo. We're meetin' up with Dal and Two-Bit there," he answered.

When we got to the Dingo we all got out and stood around, waiting. I figured that Dallas and Two-Bit weren't there yet. It'd be nice to hang around like a normal kid. No, teenager. I was a teenager. I was thirteen. Thirteen and starting my old life over again."Hey, Soda?"

"Yeah, honey?" he replied, turning to look at me.

"What's Two-Bit's real name?"

"Keith. Keith Mathews. But don't call 'im that. He barely remembers that's his name," Soda chuckled. I grinned but gave him a doubtful look. You can't just forget your own name. "No, I'm serious. The teachers even forgot his name. We've been callin' him Two-Bit for years now. Even his mom and sister call him Two-"

"Hey, greasers!" a voice shouted, interrupting Sodapop. We all turned and looked for the source of the yelling. We knew it was Socs because who else would call us greasers? We saw a bunch of people in a car and I tensed up. I wasn't one to fight. That much was obvious. If I got hit I'd shut up and take it. That's the way I was taught. I didn't want to fight. I didn't want to be hit. I wanted the Socs to leave us alone.

The people got out of the car and came over to us. Sodapop stood in front of me but he did it casually. Johnny was standing next to me and he looked pale. He was scared, too. He had a rough home life, right? "What do we do?" I whispered to him.

"Stay cool," he whispered back, "and if there's a fight, get in the truck and lock the doors."

"What about you guys?"

"We'll fight." My stomach started doing flips but I didn't say anything. He must've saw that I was scared because he smiled at me. "We're fighters. We can handle a fight. Don't worry 'bout it, okay?" I nodded at him but I still didn't relax. How can I relax when he looked about as scared as I felt?

"Hey, greasers," one of the Socs said in a sing song.

"The hell you guys want?" Steve asked. I wished I could see their faces.

"We just wanted to...Hey, aren't you that kid with a stupid name?" he asked, looking directly at me. "The one who was found in a basement."

I reached out and grabbed the back of Sodapop's shirt. He was right in front of me so it wasn't obvious, but I'm sure he felt it. "So what if he is?" he asked, his voice layered with venom.

"Did you enjoy it?" the same guy asked, smirking. "You must've. That's why you haven't told the cops what happened there. Do you wanna go back? Back to live like the trash you are?"

I barely saw Darry pull his fist back and hit that guy dead in the face. They all started fighting and I knew that Johnny had told me to get in the truck but I couldn't move from my spot. I didn't like that people knew who I was. I didn't even know how. I cut my hair and it was greased. I thought that would've been enough for people to not know who I was. But that wasn't the case. And he said that loud enough that the other people outside at the Dingo heard and they knew who I was too. I was thankful that none of the greasers laughed. I remembered back to when we were kids and learning about the rivalry between greaser and Soc. Greasers have each others backs. No matter what.

Before I realized it, the fight was over and the Socs were running back to their car while Sodapop pulled me into a hug. "Don't listen to them, Pony," he said quietly in my ear. I couldn't move. I couldn't look at him or even hug him back. My arms remained at my sides and my face was still looking down. "Ponyboy, you're shakin'. Please look at me." I forced my face up so I was looking into his eyes. He didn't look hurt. That's what I was worried about more than anything. I was worried about them being hurt. I didn't know how to think about it. Was it a punishment? If it was, who was being punished and who was fighting back when they shouldn't have been? Sodapop must've guessed what had me shaken up because he smiled gently at me. "We ain't hurt, Pone. They didn't hurt us."

I let my eyes travel over the rest of them. They all offered me a smile but that didn't help me none. I was confused. I was really confused. "Soda..." I began but I stopped. I didn't know how to say it.

Sodapop must've seen the look on my face and somehow seemed to read my thoughts. "No, honey, no," he said out loud, shaking his head. "It was a fight. As fair of a fight as it could get. No 'punishment', no nothin'. Okay?" I nodded weakly. He went to pull away but I threw my arms around him tight.

After a moment we heard somebody else. I lowered my face again until I recognized Dally's voice. I looked up at them, relieved. It was Two-Bit and Dallas. We were safe. No more fights. "What's with the long faces?" Two-Bit asked, raising his eyebrow. Sodapop pulled away but left his arm across my shoulders.

"Fuckin' Socs," Steve mumbled. I turned to Soda who gave Steve a look. Probably for the swearing.

"What they do?" Dallas asked, looking angry.

"They knew Ponyboy," Darry answered. "Made stupid comments about it all. Then we fought and...I don't know. Ponyboy didn't like the fighting."

"You okay now, kid?" Dally asked and I nodded. He stared at me, looking me up and down. Then he looked over to Johnny, doing the same thing. I assumed he was looking for injuries. "Good. Where we goin' on this fine afternoon?"

"We can see a movie?" Two-Bit suggested, earning two groans from Sodapop and Steve. He turned to me. "What's your favorite film?"

"I, um...never seen one, I don't think..."

"Movie it is," Sodapop said, this time sounding cheerful. He didn't seem to like movies but maybe he wanted me to watch one in case I would. We all gathered in the truck and drove to watch a movie. I still couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was gonna happen. I wish I knew what it was so I could expect that. That's a big part of why I liked the basement. I always knew what to expect. I didn't anymore. Not in the real world.


	11. Chapter 11: It Can't Be

I really enjoyed movies. I learned that only minutes into the first movie I knew by name. It was Gone With The Wind. It was really long but I was able to get into it just fine. It was probably one of the greatest experiences of my life. I didn't find a moment boring. It was all surreal to me. I decided that I'd be going to see a lot more movies. I didn't pay much attention to Sodapop, Steve, and Two-Bit. They were throwing popcorn at each other and kept getting out of their seats to go run around outside. They couldn't sit still long enough. I sat next to Johnny and he seemed interested in it, too. Darry was quiet as well but I don't think I'd say he was enjoying it. It seemed as if he was just there, not liking it yet not hating it.

We all got in the truck and went back home when the film was over. I sat quietly, thinking about the movie. It was amazing how people could portray such a good story when they were only normal people. People who had nothing to do with the actual story were on the screen, acting it out and doing it so well. I felt like I was in the movie with them. It was incredible.

I was still thinking about the movie as we gathered around the living room for lunch. "Whatcha thinkin' 'bout, Pone?" Sodapop asked, grinning at me.

"The movie."

"It was a good movie, huh?" Johnny said quietly, knudging me. I smiled at him. He's someone who I wanted to be friends with. I felt accomplished at the fact that he not only enjoyed the movie, but he was commenting on it to me.

"Yeah, real good...I liked it."

"Where's mom and dad?" Soda asked, looking at Darry.

"Dad had worked this mornin' but I think he was takin' the afternoon off so him and mom could go somewhere," he said, stretching his arms back. "I think they went to talk to the school 'bout you, Ponyboy."

"I can go to school?" I asked, excited. Maybe I'd be normal and everything would be better.

"I'm sure they'll work somethin' out," Dally said, sounding bored. "No clue why you'd wanna go there, though." I crawled across the floor so I was sitting next to Sodapop and he smiled at me as I laid my head on his shoulder.

"What's up, kiddo?" he asked, throwing his arm across my shoulders. I shrugged, yawning. "Worn out already, huh?" I nodded.

"It doesn't take much to tire him out I see," Darry said, smiling at the two of us.

"What was your favorite part of the movie?" Soda asked, looking at me. I had a feeling he was only asking to get me talking more. I didn't mind, though.

"The part where you tripped over the seats trying to chase after Steve," I said and bit the inside of my cheek to keep from laughing.

"Man, you saw that? It took a day to embarrass myself in front of ya," he laughed while Darry rolled his eyes.

"Hey, kid," Dally said, "you look tough with that hair cut of yours."

"Thanks," I whispered. "Dally?"

"Yeah, kid?"

"Soda said you grew up in New York. What's it like there?"

He grinned ruefully. "Tougher than it is here. Lota action o'er there. Not somethin' you'd wanta see, kid. It's different. Worse."

"You seem happy to be from there," I pointed out. Pride, I think. Even though I barely knew him, I could tell he was a very loyal guy. Maybe he was proud of where he grew up. I'd be proud, too, if I grew up anywhere other than the basement. Maybe I was proud to grow up there. Maybe.

"That's who I am, man. I love that type a stuff."

"Why'd you come here?"

"My ol' man moved me here a while back."

"Would you go back to New York if you had the choice?"

"Nah, man," he sighed, shaking his head. "I like where I am."

"Dally likes us!" Two-Bit shouted, putting his hands over his heart. I laughed at how over dramatic it was while thinking about what Dallas said. He loved New York but he liked Tulsa more? He seemed like he really enjoyed New York. Was he staying in Tulsa for his gang? I had a feeling it was that. I guess Two-Bit agreed, judging by his outburst.

"You talk okay for a kid who hasn't been to school," Steve said suddenly, before I could continue talking to Dallas about his New York life. I didn't say anything. "How?"

"There were books sometimes," I mumbled. "They all talk good, too."

A knock at the door made everybody jump. Especially me, but not only me. Darry got up and opened the door. There were two police officers standing there. I sat up straight and scrambled backwards. In my head, I thought that they were going to take me away. I didn't want to lose my family again. But I do, I thought. I ignored that because I knew it wasn't the truth. I was lying to myself, trying to make everything easier.

"Pony, wait," Sodapop said, moving back with me. He grabbed my shoulder and kept me sitting with him. He pulled me close to him but I was already starting to panic. My breaths were fast and I felt dizzy. I was terrified. I was so scared. I wanted to start crying but of course that couldn't happen.

"Why are they here?" I asked, unaware that everybody was watching me. "I don't wanna leave. I just got home. I don't wanna leave."

"You ain't leavin' us, honey," Sodapop said gently, stroking my hair. I looked at the cops who were staring at me with sorry eyes. "Tell 'im you ain't takin' him."

"We aren't here to take you, young man," one said. Darry opened the door wider so the two police officers stepped in. I recognized them both. They both had tried to get me to open up about what happened in the basement. They wouldn't offer me so much sympathy just to take me back there...right?

The other cop looked at Darry. "Are you Darrel Curtis Junior?" he asked.

"Yessir, I am."

"Can we talk to you in private?" he asked, looking around at all of us.

"Whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of us all. They'll hear it one way or another," Darry said. I shook at his tone. He must've not liked cops. I wanted to bury my face in Soda's shirt and hide but that wouldn't do me no good.

"Very well... We're very sorry to inform you that there has been an accident. An auto wreck. Darrel and Diana Curtis were found dead at the scene."

Sodapop lightened his grip on me, which made me flinch. I must've did something to upset him. He was getting ready to hit me. No, that's not Sodapop. He's upset. Why is he upset? His face was white and tears were welling up in his eyes. Johnny and Two-Bit both closed their eyes. Dallas said something under his breath but I couldn't hear what it was. Steve had stumbled over to Soda and me and put his hands on both of our shoulders. He squeezed gently but the gesture still made me duck my head, flinching hard. Darry's eyes widened but he wasn't looking at us. He was looking at the cops. The other one spoke up. "We're sorry for your loss-" Loss? "-and we're sorry to add more to this, but we have to. We're aware that you have two younger brothers. Ponyboy and...?"

"Sodapop," Darry whispered.

"Right. Ponyboy and Sodapop. We're aware that Ponyboy was found a few weeks ago in a basement and just came back home yesterday after nine years away from the home. He's thirteen and Sodapop is sixteen. Both are underage. Tomorrow a social worker will be by to place them both in boys homes."

"No," everybody but me said. The cops looked taken back. I thought about it. Boys home? Would the boys home be something like the basement? It couldn't be. I looked at everybody again. Why was everybody looking so sad?

"Please..." Sodapop whispered, shaking his head no.

"Sir, I'm of age. I recently turned twenty. I can take custody of them," Darry said, taking a step away from the cop. "You...you can't take them away from me. I just got my baby brother back. We just got back together. I'll take custody."

"I understand that you feel that way, but-"

"I'll drop outta school. I can get a full time job. Two if I need to. I can afford them both. I want to keep them both."

"Very well...If you're sure, then tomorrow you can come to the station and meet with a social worker. He or she can come back here and decide if this will be a good living environment for the two underaged boys. If this is what you want, then I can assure you that you have my full support and I'll make sure the social worker knows this."

"Thank you, sir," Darry said and shook both of the cops hands. They said their goodbyes and they left.

It was silent for a moment before Sodapop broke out in sobs. I slid away from him and got to my feet. Everybody looked at me. I backed away from them, shaking my head. "Ponyboy," Sodapop whispered. "C'mere." Why was he crying? Why was everybody looking so miserable? My parents were only dead...My parents...Dead. No, that didn't sound right. I just came home. Surely they weren't dead. I was just slow. Maybe dead meant something else instead of...you know, dead. They weren't dead. Nobody was dead. Maybe I was. Maybe this was hell. Maybe I'd been living in hell all those years and I just never realized I was gone.

"No, I...I think I'm gonna go lay down," I mumbled before turning and going to my room. I shut and locked the door behind me.

My parents were dead. I was home for a day and they were dead. Nine years without them in my life. Now I wouldn't have them again and I might lose my brothers. Again. This couldn't happen. There's no way. They were not dead. Dead doesn't exist. Death is a figment of my imagination.

I shut my light off and took my sunglasses off. I curled up on the bed, rocking back and forth and back and forth. It was the only way I could calm myself down. Because I was close to losing it. Back and forth and back and forth. Breathe in, breathe out. In, out, in, out. Was I breathing too fast? I think I was. It hurt my chest. It made my head spin. I couldn't slow my breathing down, though. Maybe I started breathing faster. In, out. Back, forth. In, out. Maybe I lost it already. I probably did. Because my parents weren't dead. They couldn't be.


	12. Chapter 12: I Don't Wanna Cry

***Sodapop's POV***

Darry asked the rest of the gang to leave so me and him could be alone with Ponyboy. They all left quietly, even Dallas. Well first they told us they were sorry. Dallas didn't say anything. But his cold, hard face was soft and the hatred in his eyes was replaced by sorrow.

"What do you think he's thinkin'?" I asked Darry when we were alone. I was referring to Ponyboy. I think he knew that, too.

"I don't know, little buddy."

We sat on the couch and decided to wait for Ponyboy to come to us. We sat there and held each other while we cried. We cried and cried, begging for it to not be true. No matter how many times we asked for it to be a lie, nothing changed. Our parents were dead. Me and Ponyboy were orphans. "I don't wanna lose you and Pony, too," I whispered, holding on to Darry tighter. He had to get custody of us. I knew it was selfish but I couldn't bare the thought of not having both of my brothers. Again.

"You won't. The three of us are gonna stay together. I'll make sure of it, I promise."

"Are you sure about givin' up college?"

"I'd give up anythin' for you two. Don't worry 'bout what I'm givin' up. I'm givin' up school, sure, but that's nothin' compared to losin' you and Pony, too."

"How did this happen?!" I shouted in a sob.

"I'll talk to the cops tomorrow, little buddy. I'll figure out what all happened."

We heard a bang coming from down the hall. Ponyboy's room. Me and Darry looked at each other for a moment and then took off running. I tried the door but it was locked. "Ponyboy, baby, please open up. Are you okay? Open the door," I begged, knocking on it. There was no answer. I was terrified. I was not going to lose Ponyboy again. I had to get in there. I had to make sure he was okay. I had to make sure he was still there. I had to make sure he was alive. I'm not a person with many emotions. I'm happy all the time. Honestly, truly happy. I'm scared a lot for Ponyboy. I was sad when he wasn't there but still happy at the same time. I got angry a lot. I was excited over small things. When I felt something, I felt it hard. Anxiety, though, was something I was not used to feeling. I felt my heart pounding throughout my body. I tried to focus on keeping my breathing level but, of course, I couldn't. I couldn't hold it together. I looked at Darry and he ran back to the kitchen before coming back with a screw driver. I needed him to take charge because I couldn't. Too much happened. Too much was going through my head. I felt like I was going to throw up at any second.

He took the door off of its hinges and I ran into the room without a seconds hesitation. I turned the light on and saw Ponyboy curled up on the floor. I knelt down beside him. "Pony?" I tried, grabbing his arm. He pulled away from me, not looking up at me but I could still see the fear on his face. The fear that I was going to hurt him. "It's me, honey. It's Sodapop." There was no answer. He didn't acknowledge me unless he was pulling away and flinching. "Darry, I don't know what to do."

"Ponyboy," he said, kneeling down beside me and Pony. "Are you hurt? What was the bang we heard?"

"Please," I begged when we still didn't get an answer. What was happening to my baby brother?

"Me," he whispered after a long moment of silence.

"Did you fall?" Darry asked. Pony nodded, his eyes squeezing shut tighter. "How'd you fall, little buddy?"

"I...slid off of the bed," he mumbled. He opened his eyes and looked at us. I knew the light was bothering him but that wasn't my main concern. "I got scared."

"What scared you, honey?" I asked, stroking his hair. He flinched away again. I hated that he flinched at everything. I hated that he was ever hurt. I hated that he was scared of everything. I saw him trying to control it. It wasn't working. He looked scaraed all the time, even when we couldn't see his beautiful green-gray eyes.

"Everything...Everything scared me. Darry?"

"Yeah, Pone?"

"You won't let them take us away, right?" he whispered, looking straight at our older brother who was now going to be so much more than that. He was going to be our legal guardian.

"Never. You two are stayin' with me."

He seemed to relax a lot and he lowered his eyes. I stroked his hair again and this time he let me so I sat next to him and pulled him close to me. "I didn't tell them I love them," he said, almost too quiet for me to hear. "I didn't say it. I barely said anything to mom. Even less to dad. I should've told them I loved them. It should've been the first thing I said."

"Oh, Pone," I said, tears coming back to my eyes. That's what was bothering him. "You just came back."

"Exactly. I should've said it. I should've said I loved them. Instead I was too caught up in trying to learn what the real world is like. Instead of telling them I love them I was thinking about being back in the basement. I was so used to that environment that coming here was too hard. Being in the real world is so hard. I don't know how to adjust. I was too busy thinking about that instead of sitting down and talking with mommy and daddy."

Hearing my thirteen year old brother call our parents mommy and daddy made me start bawling. They were gone and he was hating himself for not telling them he loves them. Darry was crying again, too. "They know you love them, little buddy," he said, making Pony look up at him. "They understand."

"How can they? They're dead." The voice in which he said that made even me flinch, along with himself. His voice sounded so dead...like our parents.

"Pony.." I said as softly as I could. He looked at me. It bothered me that he wasn't crying and there were no tears in his eyes that he was even trying to hold back. I knew he wanted to cry. He was obviously sad. "You can cry, ya know."

"I don't wanna," he whispered, shaking his head. "I don't wanna. I don't."

"Okay," I said quickly, hearing the panic in his voice. "Okay. You don't have to."

"I think I'm just gonna sleep. Can I sleep?"

"Of course, kiddo," Darry said and helped Ponyboy to his feet. He stumbled to his bed and collapsed in it. I wanted to stay with him. I wanted to hold him close to me. I wanted to make sure he was okay. But I wanted Darry there, too.

"Dare," I said quietly as he turned to leave. He looked at me and motioned for me to go on. "Can...can you stay in here with me and Pony?"

"Sure, little buddy," he said gently. I crawled onto one side of Pony's bed while Darry got on the other side, after shutting the light off and closing the door. Pony looked at the both of us before curling up against me while facing Darry. Darry pushed Pony's hair back and whispered something to him that I didn't catch. Pony nodded to whatever he said and soon, the three of us had fallen asleep together, fearing what was gonna happen and missing our parents.


	13. Chapter 13: You Should Keep Talking

***Ponyboy's POV***

The next week and a half went by in slow motion. For me, at least. Me, Sodapop, and Darry didn't really leave the house. Darry had gotten time off of work. The fact that it was paid time off really made our lives easier. We got what was left of mom and dad's money and used that for what Darry couldn't pay off of his now full time paycheck. Me and Sodapop stayed in my room most of the time. Darry came in periodically to check on us and just to talk. I didn't want to talk. Sodapop tried talking to me a lot but I just wouldn't talk. I couldn't. I couldn't say to my mom and dad that I loved them so I just wouldn't talk.

I had improved a lot being at home but at the same time I got worse. Aside from me not talking, I barely ate. I was used to not eating so I wasn't really hungry in the first place. My nightmares got worse but I woke up quietly so Sodapop didn't wake up. He kept sleeping with me, though I barely slept because of the nightmares. I didn't ask him to but he did and I was grateful for it. One morning I woke up to see Darry laying there with us, too, and I don't think Sodapop asked him. I had a feeling Darry just wanted to be close to be and Sodapop. We were all we had left.

He had gotten custody of us. The social worker came by and said that as long as me and Soda don't get into any trouble, we'll be fine. She said that she was letting us stay together because of me. I had grown up without my brothers and they just got me back. She said nobody had the heart to take me and Soda away. I wasn't complaining. I had gotten better with being away from the basement. Sometimes I would miss the men who took me and chained me to the basement wall. Sometimes I wished that I was still there. For the most part, though, I was glad I was away. I only missed them when I thought too much about the pain I was feeling because my parents were dead.

It was the day of my parents funeral. A Wednesday. Eleven days had passed since my parents passed away and it was time to have a funeral and bury them. It was time to say goodbye to them forever. The funeral and burial were all on the same day because it cost less money that way. We didn't have to pay for the funeral. Darry said something about dad's work paying for it. I was still wearing Sodapop's clothes that Darry would sew for me instead of mom. One of the boys gave us a suit. Well, gave me a suit. For the funeral. I couldn't wear jeans and a t-shirt to that. I never asked who but I assumed it was either Johnny or Steve. Johnny was small like me but at the same time I knew he hadn't had a good home life. It was worse than Steve's. I didn't think his parents would buy him two suits through time. I assumed it was Steve and it was an old suit. I later learned that I was right.

Everybody was talking in the morning about if hair grease should be worn. I thought it was a funny conversation, if I could be honest. Out of everything to debate about, they chose hair grease. Darry said nobody should wear hair grease but Sodapop said mom and dad wouldn't want us to show up acting completely out of character. Darry won in the end when Dallas snapped and said it isn't important. Soda almost started crying again and let the argument drop. Dallas put his hand on Sodapop's shoulder. I learned that that was all you could expect out of Dallas Winston in the way of comforting and that it was extremely unusual. I didn't see how it was unusual. He was constantly doing that to me. Anytime I walked past him, he did that. I flinched and jumped everytime. He was trying to be gentle but I guess his gentle was still rough to me. Oddly enough, though, I didn't mind the quick scare I got when he did it. I found myself enjoying the comfort.

The funeral went by in a blur. All I know was that people were coming by and shaking our hands, meaning me, Sodapop, and Darry. They told us stories about our parents, which none of us wanted to hear. Because I didn't want to hear them, I tuned them out. I shook hand after hand without listening to a word anybody was saying. I didn't want to hear about our parents. I didn't want to hear people tell me they were happy I was found and that they were sorry for our parents. It didn't make sense that people were apologizing to us when they had nothing to do with it. It was a drunk driver. The driver died, along with our parents.

I almost didn't realize that we were at the burial. I heard Sodapop's pained sob and it brought me out of my thoughts. They were lowering my parents into the ground. Something inside of me snapped. I stumbled forward, shrugging off Darry's grip on my shoulder. "No," I said, shaking my head at the caskets being lowered into the ground. "No! No, I, I just got them back."

"Ponyboy," Darry said gently, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. Everybody was staring at us. Everybody was pitying us. I didn't want their pity. I wanted my parents.

"They can't be gone," I said, fighting against Darry. "I just got them back. I, I..."

Sodapop got in front of me and wrapped his arms tight around me. He stroked the back of my hair. "It's okay, honey," he cried.

I fought against his arms, too, and got away from them both. Tears welled up in my eyes but I wouldn't let them fall. I stopped crying years ago. I wasn't going to make myself vulnerable like that again. "Please, no," I whispered. "I can't lose them again. Not again!"

"I'm so sorry, baby," Darry said quietly.

"Mommy, daddy..." I fell to my knees and put my hands over my ears. I was shaking horribly.

Everybody stood around quietly until the burial was over. Once it was, I jumped to my feet and took off running as fast as I could. I didn't want to be there. I couldn't be there. It wasn't fair. Nothing was fair. They couldn't be gone. I barely knew them. I didn't have any time with them. I just got them back and now they were six feet under. I knew life was cruel but how could it be that cruel? I was just a kid.

I felt somebody grab ahold of my jacket and we both fell to the ground. The fall hurt extremely bad but I didn't cry out. I only sat back up and tried to stand but I was kept on the ground. I looked and saw Steve. "Jesus, kid," he said when he was sure I wasn't getting back up. He wasn't winded but I was gasping for breath. I turned and couldn't see the cemetary anymore but I knew we weren't running for long. I couldn't breathe. He stood up and brought me up with him. He was basically shoving me down the street until we got to some diner.

He pushed me inside and asked the waitress if I could have a glass of water. Since I was trying hard to breathe but couldn't, she listened. In a matter of seconds she came back with a glass of water and Steve made me drink. "Don't be difficult, please, kid," he sighed when I refused the water. "Drink it. It'll help you breathe." I listened to him and took a few small sips of the water, feeling the cold liquid run down my throat. He was right. It did help me breathe a little better. A little.

When I could fully breathe, he took the cup and set it down along with some change before leading me out of there. "Where did you think you were goin'?" he asked as we walked down the street. He didn't sound mad but I had a feeling he was. Why else would he drag me to the ground like that? Maybe it was an accident though. I didn't know. I didn't know anything. I shrugged so he sighed. "You shouldn't scare us like that, kid. We only wanta help." I stayed quiet and he stopped talking, too. We kept walking until a familiar truck pulled up beside us. It was Darry.

"Thanks for goin' after him," Darry said to Steve, who got in the front seat. I got in the back of the truck with Sodapop and Johnny. I saw Two-Bit and Dallas in a car behind us.

"You okay, Pony?" Sodapop asked me. He wasn't crying anymore but his eyes were red. I nodded, looking away. "Do your eyes hurt?" I didn't wear my sunglasses to the funeral and the light from outside still bothered me horribly. Inside light did, too, after a while. I had a headache from it all. I nodded. He reached into his pocket and pulled out my sunglasses that I had forgotten at home. I took them gratefully and put them on, hoping my headache would start to subside. "Are you done talkin' again?" he asked, sadness evident in his voice. I only shrugged. I didn't mean to say what I said in the first place. I didn't mean to embarrass us. I didn't mean to almost cry.

"You should keep talkin', Pone," Johnny said. Me and him had become somewhat friends if you can call it that. Me and him sit together when everybody is around. We sit in quiet and if he goes outside to smoke, I follow him. If I go to my room, he follows me. Basically we both follow each other and sit in silence. I didn't talk and he didn't act like I did.

We got back to the house and everybody went inside. Everybody changed out of their suits and into jeans and t-shirts, except Steve didn't put on a shirt. He hardly ever wore one. Everybody started talking loudly and laughing, acting as if nothing had happened. I studied everybody and in their eyes, there was sadness. I guess everybody wanted normality. But I wished they were normal a bit quieter. My head was throbbing something awful.

I followed Johnny outside and he took out a cigarrette. He offered me one and I took it. Johnny lit both of ours and then he watched me, an amused look on his face. I never smoked before so this was gonna be my first time. He knew that just as well as I did. I guess he was watching to see the show. I didn't mind. So, it being my first time, I choked. In turn, Johnny laughed. "You don't gotta smoke, Pone," he said when the laughter subsided. "Soda an' Darry don't smoke." That was a lie. I saw Sodapop smoke a few times. I only looked at him. "Well, Sodapop smokes, but only when he's stressed. Or if he wants to look tough."

"Maybe I want to look tough," I mumbled. I took a drag on my cigarrette and even though my throat burned, I didn't choke. It was somewhat relaxing honestly.

He smiled a little, probably because I was talking. "Golly, man, you do look tough."

I learned the difference between tough and tuff. I made it a goal of mine to be both one day. That made me laugh. "I look anything but tough. What grade did you say you were in? In school?"

"Freshman. Should be a sophomore but I was held back in grade school," he admitted, looking embarrassed. I couldn't see why he was. Did he not realize who he was talking to? I never went to school at all. I'd rather been held back if it meant I went to school in the first place. I was embarrassed for never being in school. But I understood where he was coming from. Maybe I'd be embarrassed if I had been held back. I probably would've been.

"At least you got to go to school," I sighed. "I know that when I go, I'll get held back or put into different classes. Sodapop said I'll probably get the different classes. I think I'd rather get held back."

"Why?"

"I don't wanna take the easy way outta school. I wanna go and act like a normal person for once," I said, putting out my cigarrette. I wanted another cigarrette but I wasn't going to ask for it.

"When do you go to take that test?" he asked me.

The state helped Darry enroll me in school. I had to take a test, though, to see where I should be placed. The options were seventh grade, eighth grade, ninth grade, or 'special' classes for kids with learning disabilities and stuff like that. I really didn't want that. Then I was gonna take another test for my IQ. I was nervous for both but went with it anyways. "Saturday."

"Will you start school Monday?"

"Yeah, I should. Sodapop goes back Monday, too. I guess I'll be the only one at a different school."

"Isn't there a chance you'll be put in high school?" Johnny questioned, putting his cigarrette out.

"Yeah but let's face it; I don't know anything. I can talk good and all but that's where my knowledge ends. I know some history but I know nothing about math or science. Darry's been helping me with math but I just don't get it."

"Darry said you're catching on fine, though."

"He has to say that," I mumbled, "so I don't get disappointed in myself."

"Nobody expects you to be a genius. C'mon, let's get back inside. I'm freezin'," he said, standing up. He held out his hand for me and I took it. He helped me to my feet and then we went inside, sitting back on our usual spots on the couch.

I hugged my knees to my chest and yawned. Everybody stopped and looked at me. "Awww, the kid is tired," Steve said in a teasing voice. I grabbed the pillow and threw it at him, causing everybody to laugh. It wasn't like me to do that. I was still terrified of punishments. I wanted to be normal and fit in. They were always throwing things at each other. A pillow couldn't hurt him. Steve glared but in a friendly way. I hoped it was friendly, at least. He picked the pillow back up and came over to me, smacking me with it. I flinched horribly but I think Johnny is the only one who noticed since he was right next to me. He hit me with the pillow a few more times. "This is what you get when you don't respect your superiors."

"Lay off, Stevie. You know I'm the superior..ist?" Sodapop tried but didn't seem to think his whole statement true. Steve laughed and threw his pillow at Sodapop. I sat there, trying to calm myself down. I kept telling myself it was only a game. Nobody was being hurt for real. Nobody wanted to hurt me. It was a game. It was fun. It was only for laughs.

"Pony," Johnny whispered in my ear while Steve and Sodapop were wrestling on the floor. I looked over at him. "Relax, okay, man?" I nodded and went back to watching Steve and Sodapop wrestle. I felt a pain in my chest and I started getting light headed. It was hard to breathe. I hugged my knees closer to my chest and tried to force myself to calm down. I was able to force myself to calm down when I was in a dangerous situation but not when everything was okay. I hated that about myself. Johnny said Soda's name and everybody looked at us. Soda was suddenly kneeling down in front of me.

"Pony, honey, it's okay. We're just playin'," he said, putting his hand on my upper arm.

I looked over at Steve who looked down guiltily. "Are you...mad...?" I asked in between gasps.

"Why would I be?" he asked gently. I pointed to the pillow. "No, I ain't mad. You threw a pillow. Ain't like it hurt or nothin'. It's all fun and games." I nodded and looked back at Soda who smiled at me.

"See? Nobody's hurt and nobody's mad."

"Okay," I whispered, feeling the pain in my chest start to dull.

"I'm gonna start dinner," Darry declared. "Baked chicken okay?"

"Man, that's mighty fine," Two-Bit said, patting his stomach. Darry rolled his eyes and went to the kitchen.

I got up and followed him. I sat on the counter and watched him as he seasoned the chicken. He kept glancing at me but didn't say anything until the chicken was in the over. He leaned against the other counter and looked at me. "How ya doin', Pony?" he asked, staring at me. It seemed like he wanted to ask me more than just that.

"Okay, I guess. Sorry for earlier."

"That's okay. I was expecting worse," he said with a shrug.

"Worse?"

"I figured one of you would do somethin' like that but put up more of a fight and actually run to them," he said. By them I knew he meant our dead parents which only made my stomach tighten up. He looked away. "Hey, uh..When are you gonna open up about what happened to you?"

I bit my lip, also looking away. "Well...what do you want to know?"

"Everything," he said with a sigh. I sighed as well.

"I guess we can talk about it tonight. I'll tell you guys."

"You will?" he asked, sounding hopeful.

"Yeah...but I don't want any doctors or cops to know. So can you guys act like you don't know still whenever one of them stops by?" I asked. I knew the cops came by to talk to me two or three times within that week and a half and I was supposed to have weekly check ups with the doctor.

"Sure thing, kiddo," he said. He sounded relieved. He probably didn't expect that conversation to end the way it did.

I didn't want to open up. I didn't want to tell them everything. I didn't want to tell them anything in general except for Sodapop. He knew only what I told him about the tickling. I'd be more comfortable telling only him but I knew if I told him I had to tell Darry and plus Soda would tell Steve because they're best friends and Steve would probably let some details slip to the rest of the gang. It wasn't worth dragging it out so I'd just tell them all and probably make a fool of myself with constant 'panic attacks'. That's what Sodapop called my episodes when I couldn't breathe or think. I felt a panic attack in my chest but it was only a mild feeling. Mild compared to the rest, at least. I wasn't ready to talk. I wasn't. But I had to. The quicker I talked, the quicker things got normal.


	14. Chapter 14: I Didn't Think I'd Be Found

"Pony, you should try to eat somethin'," Darry said, eyeing me. I was pushing my food around on the plate. I wasn't hungry. But old habits die hard. I looked at him and he gave me a look that said 'don't challenge me.' That's how I interpreted it, at least. I doubt that's how he meant it. But when I saw that look I ate because I didn't want to challenge him. This action seemed to go unnoticed by the rest of the gang.

"Pony said he's tell us more about everything," Darry anounced. I wished he didn't. I didn't want to be put on the spot.

"Really?" Sodapop questioned, raising his eyebrow. I nodded, looking down at my plate. I wasn't hungry but I was too scared not to eat. I was scared of what would happen. So I continued eating. And I continued ignoring the pain in my chest. If I pretend I could breathe, maybe I could.

After dinner, we all gathered around in the living room. I sat on one end of the couch with Johnny next to me and Dally on the other side. Darry sat in the recliner with Two-Bit next to the chair on the floor. Sodapop sat on the floor in front of me, though he sat a little back, and Steve sat next to him. Everybody was looking at me expectantly. I felt my face heat up. I was not comfortable. I did not want to be doing that. I felt like I was gonna throw up and I don't even know how I kept dinner in my stomach. "Well...what doya wanna know?" I asked eventually.

"What happened that day?" Darry asked. I wished he wasn't the first person to ask something. He was being a little too pushy and I felt afraid of him. I wasn't really afraid of him but he intimidated me. He was big and had a lot of muscles. He had this voice that sounded hard and cold, even if what he was saying was comforting. I trusted Darry, sure, but I guess being in the basement for so long made me fear big guys. "The day they took you."

"We were at the park, remember?" I asked. He nodded. Sodapop and Steve had been there too. I looked down at Soda and Steve. "I was following you two. You were going to the swings and I wanted to be with you guys."

"Where was Darry?" Two-Bit questioned.

"He was with his friends," I answered. "He was in charge of us. That's what mom had said."

"She was saying that to make me feel important," Darry mumbled. "Dad was at work. Mom took us all to the park."

"I wasn't as fast as Sodapop and Steve were. Then this guy was behind me. He wrapped my hands around my mouth," I said and felt my body start to shake. I don't think it was noticeable, though. Johnny tensed up a bit, though, so I think he felt me shaking.

"I turned around in time to see it," Soda whispered, his eyes glossing over with memories, "but I couldn't make it to you fast enough."

"I was thrown in the backseat of the car and that was it. What else?"

"How many people?" Dallas asked. It actually surprised me that he was speaking up.

"People came and went throughout the years," I muttered. "Two guys were there the entire time. The third guy who was arrested was just there at a bad time, I guess. He was new."

"New?" Two-Bit questioned.

"He was their new buddy," I shrugged. "I hadn't seen him too much. Maybe for two or three weeks he was there before the arrest."

"How many total?" Dallas pushed.

I shrugged again. "I don't know. I lost count."

It was quiet for a while before Steve spoke up. "What was a normal day like for you?"

I hugged my knees to my chest and stared at a hole in my pants. "Well...I'd wake up and find a cup of water and a plate of food. It was usually eggs or bread or something. It was something quick and easy to give me. I'd eat it and, I dunno, just wait, I guess."

"Wait for what?" he pressed.

"Them to come down," I said simply. "If I drank too much water, I was punished. If I ate too much of the bread, I was punished. If I didn't eat or drink enough, I was punished. If I coughed or sneezed, I was punished. They came down to find a reason to punish me."

"What were the 'punishments'?" Soda asked. I looked up at him and he had hurt and anger in his eyes.

"Depends. There was no set punishment. Whatever they felt like. Sometimes it was just their hands and feet. Sometimes it was belts or chains. If I did something really bad, like talk back, it was knives or something. Cigarrettes, sometimes, or baseball bats."

"What about...what you told me?" Soda whispered.

That wasn't something I really wanted to talk about but I was already so far into the conversation that I couldn't back down. "They called it 'tickling' but I know better now. They'd touch me...you know, there. Do things like that. Made me do it to them. They went...all the way. Most of the time they did. It was rarely just hands or whatever," I said, looking at the wall. I was uncomfortable. The feeling was horrible. I did not want to talk about it. I didn't. "That wasn't a punishment. They'd act like they were rewarding me, you know. Sometimes they used it as a punishment, though. I didn't fall for that, of course, cause it always hurt. That happened often. It was a normal part of the day." Nobody said anything so I went on. "Sometimes they'd bring girls. Sometimes men that I never saw again. All this started from the beginning but the extra people didn't start until I got older, I guess."

I thought that we were done with the conversation after we sat in silence for a good five to ten minutes. I looked at everybody and they were still staring at me. Sodapop was crying quietly and everybody else looked sad yet angry. Dallas was whispering stuff to himself. I noticed he did that a lot when he was really mad. I took a deep breath and looked at Darry. "Am I done now?"

"Yeah...just one more thing," he said. I nodded at him to continue. "Why didn't you want to leave the basement?"

"It was all I knew," I shrugged. "I didn't think I'd be found. I didn't want to be thrown into another situation where I'd have to learn how to act and all. I wanted to stay where I knew the game."

"Are you glad you're back?" Soda asked, looking at me with hopeful eyes.

I didn't talk for a long time before answering. "Sometimes...Other times I wish I was still there...because it hurt less not knowing if mom and dad were alive or dead." With that I stood up and went to my room. I was tired from the running and the talking. I was tired from the excess emotion I felt tired because of the funeral. I was just exhausted in general. I grabbed Scruffy and held him close, closing my eyes and burying my face in his fur. I felt like a baby because I slept with him every night but I didn't care. Him and Sodapop made things a little easier. I think.


	15. Chapter 15: I Wanna Die

I don't remember the last time I woke up screaming bloody murder the way I did that night. It must've been years. The last time had to have been when I was new to the basement. I had learned self control at a young age because I knew what could happen if I let myself get that scared. Nightmares and panic attacks happened when I was scared. I was defiant when I was terrified. It only caused even more pain and suffering. But that night was different. I knew I was safe. I let my guard down. That was horrible. If you let your guard down, you feel pain. If you feel pain, you break. I didn't want to feel pain.

The screaming hurt my throat horribly and when I was done I was just more tired. Screaming exhausted me. I sat up straight in bed, screams in my throat. I couldn't control them. I was too tired and out of it to even understand that I was screaming. Sodapop sat up immediately, looking terrifed at first and worried second. His arms had wrapped around me, willing me to be quiet. Seeing Darry stumble through my doorway made me realize what was going on so I snapped my mouth shut.

I curled up in a ball and leaned against Sodapop. I stared straight ahead, trying to fight the fear that was threatening to over take me. Darry and Sodapop both were talking to me, telling me I was safe and it was okay. But it wasn't okay. Nothing was okay and I knew there was no way it'd be okay again. I lost out on my life because those men wanted a toy like me. I lost out on it all. I never went to school. I didn't have friends. I lost my brothers. I lost my parents. My parents. Now my parents were dead. I never had the chance to get to know my parents. I didn't know how old they were. I didn't know their birthdays. I didn't even know their eye color because I was too nervous to look into their eyes long enough to know. My parents were gone. Nothing would be okay.

Tears welled up in my eyes and this time I didn't stop them. I started sobbing hard and loud, unable and unwilling to stop them. I hid my face in my knees and cried out. It wasn't fair. Nothing was fair and I had as much as I could take. I cried, begging Sodapop or Darry to finish me off so I didn't have to suffer anymore. I wanted to be burried in the ground six feet under just like mom and dad. I didn't want to live with my memories. I didn't want to live with the fact that I hadn't told them I loved them. I didn't want to live with the fact that I grew up without them. The pain I was forced to feel in the basement was nothing compared to the pain I had in my heart.

"Ponyboy, baby, it's gonna be okay," Darry said in a soothing voice while Sodapop rocked me.

"No it won't," I sobbed. "It'll never be okay."

"Yes it will, Pony," Sodapop said gently, stroking my hair.

"I wanna die," I cried out, pulling away from Soda. I fell off of the bed and pushed myself against the wall, as far from them as I could. I cried even harder than I was before and gripped at my hair.

"What's goin' on?" I heard Dally asked. He must've stayed the night there. I didn't hear anybody answer him. Instead I heard Sodapop and Darry attempt to comfort me. I didn't want to hear it. I blocked them out and cried. I cried and cried and cried until the tears were no longer coming out.

I didn't know how long it had been while I cried. It could've been five minutes or five hours for all I knew. Looking back, it was probably for twenty minutes or so. I let out all the emotions I had hidden deep inside me for years. Since that day I watched TV and cried, realizing I wasn't gonna be found. I cried because of the pain I felt in the basement. I cried because of the loneliness. I cried because I grew up alone. I cried because I missed my mom and dad. I cried because I was alive. I cried because I couldn't stop crying.

I don't remember when I stopped crying. I had cried myself to sleep.

When I woke up next, I felt Sodapop's arm around me. I turned my body and saw him staring at me with sad, worried eyes. "Mornin'," he whispered. I only closed my eyes. I felt embarrassed. Thankfully, that was the only emotion I could recall feeling. I wasn't sad or hurt anymore. Just embarrassed. I let my emotions out when I cried. "Wanna talk about last night?"

"No," I said, shaking my head and opening my eyes back up. "I wanna get something to eat."

"Let's go eat, then," he said, sitting up with me still in his arms.

"Actually...I think I'm gonna shower first and then eat," I said, anxious to get the sweat off of me.

"Shower it is. Go on in. I'll find some clothes for you to wear," he said, smiling slightly at me. I nodded and got out of bed, going straight to the bathroom.

I took a short but hot shower. I had the temperature nearly as hot as it got just because I enjoyed the burning sensation on my back. I dried my hair off and decided against the grease. I didn't want to waste the hair grease. I'd put some in if we went somewhere. I wrapped the towel around my waist and went back to my room. I saw clothes sitting on my bed so I put those on. They had already been sewed a few days before so I didn't have to worry about that.

In the kitchen, Sodapop was eating chocolate cake. I enjoyed that 'tradition'. We ate eggs for breakfast with chocolate cake. I didn't see it as weird until they explained that chocolate cake wasn't really ate for breakfast but they liked it like that. Mom and dad didn't like it too much but Darry gave into Sodapop's whining and we were allowed chocolate cake. I preferred just eating chocolate cake but Darry asked me if I could eat the eggs, too, because I was still small and weak from the basement. I agreed because I didn't feel like challenging him.

"How you feelin', Pone?" he asked, eyeing me carefully.

"I don't..."

"Yes?"

"Nothing," I mumbled. I was starting to feel dizzy and light headed. I felt really weird and really sick. It came outta nowhere. I sat down and put my head in my hands. I felt like I was gonna throw up or pass out or both.

"Pony?" Soda called out, gently placing his hand on my shoulder.

"I think I'm worn out from the crying," I admitted. I figured that had to be it. It had been so long since I cried so I was just dizzy from that. It made sense.

I felt his cold hand against the side of my neck and I flinched. "Easy, honey. I think you have a fever."

"No, I'm okay," I said, laying my head on my arm.

Sodapop walked out of the room and came back with a thermometer. "Just put this in your mouth," he said, giving it to me. I did what he asked and waited. When it beeped, he took it and looked at it. "102.3. Hey, Darry?"

"Yeah?" Darry answered from the living room.

"C'mere."

"What is it?" Darry asked, coming into the kitchen a few moments later. Sodapop handed him the thermometer. Darry looked at it and then at me. "You sick, kiddo?"

"I guess," I shrugged.

"Well, I'll get some medicine. Wanna lay in bed or out here on the couch?"

"Couch," I said with a slight sigh.

"Go lay down. I'll bring you medicine and soup in a few."

I did what I was told and laid on the couch. Once I was laying down, I felt the pain in my head. Before it was just dizziness but now it was a headache and a bad one at that. My entire head was throbbing and it made everything spin. I groaned in spite of myself. Sodapop gave me a sympathetic smile as he sat next to me. He started stroking my hair. I tried asking him not to because honestly it was putting me to sleep but I couldn't form the words. Darry gave me some medicine and I took it but declined the soup. He said he'd put it in the ice box to heat up for me later.

"You should get some rest, kiddo," Sodapop said, talking to me as if I was a sick little kid. I suppose he was right to talk to me like that. I was sick and I felt like a little kid. I wasn't complaining. It provided me some comfort. I hated being sick. I was always alone when I got sick so having my brother and best friend there with me made things easier.

"Will you be here when I wake up?" I asked him quietly. He smiled and told me he would. He kissed my forehead and I smiled back at him before closing my eyes. I felt myself dozing off when suddenly the door opened. Sodapop hushed whoever came in but it was too late. I opened my eyes and stared at Dallas and Johnny.

"Kid better now?" Dally questioned, looking at Sodapop and not me. I remembered that I had heard his voice while I was crying.

"Yeah. He's sick, though," Soda answered with a sigh.

"Should we leave?" Johnny asked, his voice soft and quiet.

Sodapop looked at me to see what I wanted. "You guys can stay," I mumbled drowsily. I just wanted to sleep.

"You sure, kid?" Dally asked. I nodded, closing my eyes again. I think he said something along the lines of 'feel better' but I had already started falling asleep.

***Sodapop's POV***

"Poor kid don't get a break," I muttered out loud. He had been sleeping for about an hour or so but the look on his face told me he was having a nightmare.

"What happened this mornin'?" Dally asked casually. He acted like he only cared about Johnny but we all knew better. He cared about a lot of things. Ponyboy was one of those things.

"I don't know," I sighed. "He woke up screamin' from a nightmare and then broke down cryin' 'bout how he wants ta die...I'm hoping it was just him bein' emotional from bein' sick though."

"I think we all know it's more than that," Darry said, rubbing his temples. He was worrying himself sick over everything.

I placed my hand on Ponyboy's face and was relieved. "I think his fever went down. Hey, Johnny, you an' Ponyboy talked a bit yesterday. Did he mention bein' sick or somethin'?"

"Nah, man, we talked about school," Johnny answered.

"What's with this kid an' school?" Dally wondered out loud.

"He never had the experience. He wants ta feel normal," I answered for him. Guilt flashed across his face but only for a moment. He probably hadn't even thought about that.

"Is he gettin' better at bein' away from those guys?" he asked. I smiled lightly because he proved my thoughts true. He cared about Ponyboy.

"I don't know," Darry sighed, answering truthfully. It was extremely difficult to tell. One minute he can be calm and relaxed and the next he's eyeing everybody, except for me, suspiciously. Plus the nightmares were getting worse. I knew he had nightmares. I'd feel him flinch in his sleep sometimes but he hadn't woke up screaming until the night before. Plus his breakdown...

"It's hard to tell," I continued. "Some areas, sure, he's gettin' better. Others, not so much."

"Well he's only been home for not even two weeks," Dally said. "Some improvement is better than no improvement."

"What's up, Curtis family?" a familiar voice shouted. Before any of us could react, the door was opened and then slammed shut.

"Two-Bit," Darry hissed and motioned over to Ponyboy who was now wide awake, a look of terror spread across his face.

"Ah, shit," Two-Bit moaned, smacking himself on the forehead. "Sorry, kid."

When Two-Bit spoke, Ponyboy relaxed but only a little. He only relaxed enough to show that he was awake and knew Two-Bit was okay. I think he was still shaken up from his nightmare. "Hey, Two-Bit," he said, yawning.

"Didn't mean to wake ya, kid."

"That's okay," he said, rubbing his eyes.

"How ya feelin', kiddo?"

"Better," he said, sitting up.

Two-Bit cocked an eyebrow. "You sick?"

"He had a fever and wasn't feelin' well," Darry answered.

I looked at Ponyboy and noticed the look on his face. He was staring off into nowhere with a blank expression but in his eyes I saw fear. I stroked his hair gently, hoping to calm him down from whatever he was thinking about. He flinched at first but didn't move away from my touch. After what seemed like forever but in reality was probably only a minute, he closed his eyes and fell back asleep. I sighed deeply, looking down at my baby brother.

"He'll be okay," Two-Bit said, kneeling on the floor next to me. He must've noticed the look on my face and Ponyboy's. Ponyboy was tense and scared and then he fell right back asleep. "Just give 'im time."


	16. Chapter 16: You're Naturally Smart

***Ponyboy's POV***

After sleeping basically the entire day away, I felt better and I knew whatever I was getting sick with was over. I slept through the night without waking up screaming, though I did have horrible nightmares. Sodapop didn't leave my side. I felt so much better with Sodapop around. Darry kept checking on me, too. He stayed close to me and Sodapop and we all talked a lot. I felt happy and calmer knowing my brothers were both there with me. Things felt the way they should feel. Except for the fact that my parents weren't there.

A couple of days later, it was Saturday. It was time to take my tests. I was more nervous than I had ever been. I really wanted to be in regular classes but I feared I wouldn't be. I expressed my fears to Darry but he only smiled and said, "Nobody is expectin' anythin' today. Everybody understands that you never had an education." I didn't tell him that that didn't help me at all because I knew he was trying to help and that's all that matters.

When we made it to the middle school, I almost threw up. I just wanted to go to school like a normal person. I didn't want to be labeled stupid, either. "Soda," I said, biting my lip. He looked at me. "How are your grades in school?"

"Shoot, kid, I'm dumb as rocks," he said with a grin.

"You ain't dumb," Darry spoke up, opening the door to exit the truck. We followed. "You just ain't entertained enough."

"That too. I'm failin' mostly everythin'," Soda said, answering me.

"Except gym," Darry said with a chuckled.

"And auto mechanics."

We went inside the school and to the office where we were greeted by the principle who welcomed me and expressed his sorrow for what I had been through. He explained the plan for the morning. There'd be different sections for different school subjects. Two sections for each. The first of the sections would be multiple choice. The second would be extended response. Each section was thirty questions. I could have as much time as needed, though they took the time into consideration with my answers.

"Have you had any form of education?" he asked me when he was done explaining the test. I shook my head. "Ever read a book or somethin'?"

"I read a few books," I answered.

He gave me a sorry smile and turned to Darry, explaining that they could wait in the office for a few hours while I took the test or that we could call them when I finished. They decided to go home. They left me a piece of paper with our number on it so we could call when I was done.

The principle sat me in a small room and gave me a pencil and the test with an answer sheet. Just the length of the test scared me and I hadn't even looked at the first question. "The first part is reading, or language arts. Multiple choice," he said. I nodded and started on the test.

That section of the test was extremely easy and that made me relax a lot. At the front of the test was a little section about what different figures of speech are, like similes. I never heard of any of them but it explained what each one was. Then I was given questions and had to decide what figure of speech it was. Then I was given a passage from a book or something and had to answer questions based off of that. The last few questions were sentences with errors and I had to decide the best correction for the error. All in all, I thought that that test was pretty simple.

Math came next and it started off simple with math I knew as a kid. I knew how to add and subtract without a problem so those questions I flew by. Darry had told me a little about multiplication and division. Multiplying was pretty easy. Dividing was more complicated but I always got to an answer. Darry also taught me a little about algebra, where you gotta find what x is. It involves adding, substracting, multiplying, dividing, and common sense. The first algebra problem on the test gave me trouble but when I got it, the rest became easier. There was some questions with shapes, like finding the area and perimeter and stuff like that. I didn't know how to do some of the questions, like finding what the 'area of an angle' was. I had no idea what it was. I left those questions empty.

Science was next and it was pretty straight forward. I had to read a passage about experiments (I didn't know what an experiment was but I caught on while reading the passage) and then answer questions based off of that and graphs. There were some questions about the periodic table, which I didn't know existed. Thankfully, it gave a copy of the table so I was able to come up with a few answers. The questions were stuff like the atomic mass or number and what the letters stand for. Like He is helium and O is oxygen. Those questions were also common sense, for the most part. There was a stupid one. There was a W and the choices were gold, silver, tungsten, and titanium. I knew it wasn't titanium because an earlier question asked what was Ti and I put titanium for that. I left that one blank.

History was pretty straight forward, too. There were questions mainly about different wars. Like the Civil War or the Revolutionary War. I had known what those were. I knew the Revolutionary War from when I was a kid, before I was taken. The Civil War was in a book. World War I and World War II were pretty self explanitory. They were big wars where lots of countries were involved. I knew WWII was with the Holocaust and Hitler. WWI was a little more vague. Thankfully, there weren't many questions about those wars. There were some questions about the presidents, which I really didn't know. I knew George Washington was the first and Abraham Lincoln was the sixteenth.

The second section to each subject wasn't very different from the first. The only difference was I didn't have any options to choose from. That didn't affect me any because if I didn't know the answer, I didn't guess. It affected science a little bit but not much else. The test took me about four and a half hours to finish. I asked the principle if I took too long and he said I was just fine. He explained that they figured it at about one minute per question. That's one hour for each subject. Four hours altogether. He said I finished at about a normal time.

I called my brothers and they came down to get me. The principle said that they'd get my test graded while I went to test my IQ. I didn't know why there were two tests. I was already exhausted from the first but we already had it planned with the state. We'd meet a social worker at the social worker building and I'd be given the IQ test.

"How do you think you did, Pony?" Soda asked me when we got in the truck.

"I finished at about an average time," I said with a shrug.

"Were the tests hard?"

"Not really...but I'm not sure how I did."

"You'll find out when you finish this test," Darry said, giving me a supporting smile before he started driving.

We drove in silence to the social worker building and stayed quiet as we went inside. We met up with the social worker who handled our case. Her name was Jessica Welsh. "Hello, boys," she greeted when we came into her office. She shook hands with us all and we sat down. "How're you boys doing?"

"We're doing good," Darry said, answering for all of us. "Sodapop goes back to school Monday and Ponyboy starts school."

"How exciting," she said, grinning at me and Sodapop. She seemed like a nice lady. I liked her, considering she let us stay together. "You nervous to start school, Ponyboy?"

"Excited," I said quietly.

"I'd be excited, too. If I remember right, Darry, you said he was taking a test today to see what grade he'd be placed in?" Jessica asked, looking back at Darry.

"Yes, we just came from that. After this, we'll go back and see what he scored."

"How do you think you did, Ponyboy?" she asked me.

"Okay, I guess."

"Let's get down to business, shall we? This test should take about an hour. However, you can finish it quicker or take more time, if needed. We'll have a score for you within a few minutes. It won't take long to score. Darry, Sodapop, there's a waiting room just down the hall. Do you mind waiting there while Ponyboy takes his test?"

"Of course not. C'mon, Soda," Darry said as he stood up.

"G'luck, kiddo," Soda said, messing up my hair. I frowned and fixed it. I was glad I remembered to put grease in before we left.

"Here you go," Jessica said, handing me the test. I began immediately.

The test consisted of many common sense questions, in my opinion. Some were logical and a lot had pictures with them. It was actually fairly easy and I finished in a little under an hour, but only by a few minutes. She smiled and told me I could wait with Sodapop and Darry while they scored the test.

I found the waiting room down the hall. I wondered why they needed a waiting room in a social worker building but I didn't question it out loud. I sat down next to Darry and brought my knees to my chest. "How'd it go?" he asked. I shrugged. "Was it hard?"

"It seemed easy, I guess, but I probably didn't think hard enough," I admitted.

"Nah, kiddo, I think you did fine," he said, giving my back a light pat.

About ten minutes later, Jessica came out and took a seat across from us. "Let me explain the IQ scale before we look at your score," she said and we all nodded. "Below seventy is known as mental retardation." I immediately believed that that's where I scored. "70 to 90 is below average. 90 to 110 is average. 110 to 120 is above average. 120 to 140 is gifted. Above 140 is genius. Got it?" We all nodded again. "I haven't seen your score yet, Ponyboy. I don't score them. So we'll all find out together what you scored. Ready?" More nods. She opened her envelope and smiled. "I can't lie and say I'm not surprised because I am. I mean, somebody with as little education as you have..."

"Is it bad?" I asked, fearing her answer.

"131," she said. I just stared at her. "That's gifted. That's smart, Ponyboy, good job."

"I did...good?"

"You did excellant."

Darry thanked her for her time and she gave him the results. She wished us the best and before I knew it, we were on our way back to the middle school to see what grade I'd end up in. "Why you so quiet, Pony?" Soda asked me while we were in the car.

"How'd I score that high?" I asked, looking at him.

"You're naturally smart, I guess," he shrugged. "Look, Pone, don't question it. Be happy. You scored higher than most people. You're a brainiac."

"Am not," I scoffed. He only grinned at me.

At the middle school, I was more nervous than I was when I went to take the test. Now I was getting the results and I felt miserable. The principle sat us down in his own personal office and started talking. "Ponyboy, you did amazingly well, considering you never attended school. You scored high enough to be placed in ninth grade, which is the high school. You also finished at a decent time so we know it didn't take you long to get to the answers you got. You struggle a bit in geometry, which is part of math, if you didn't know." I didn't. "You know more about history than I would've thought and your reading skills are excellant." Relief coursed through my body. I did good. I wouldn't be put in slow classes. "My only concern with you going into ninth grade is your lack of social skills along with you never attending school. I'll leave the decision up to you and your brothers, but I would suggest you going into seventh or eighth grade because I'm not sure if you're capable of high school just yet. Not to say that your scores don't support that, because based off of your scores you should be in high school, but I'm worried about the lack of social skills."

"What do you want, Pony?" Darry asked me. "You can choose what grade you're in."

I looked down and started thinking about it. If I was in high school, I'd be around a bunch of older kids. I was a greaser, and even if I hadn't been home for long, I knew Socs would mess with me. They already tried at the Dingo. But I wouldn't be alone there. All of the gang besides Darry and Dallas were in high school. I'd be in the same grade as Johnny. Soda and Steve were tenth grade and Two-Bit was eleventh. At the same time, though, if I went to middle school then I'd have time to get myself out of the mindset of the basement and maybe make friends and get tougher. I decided I'd rather be with people I knew.

"I wanna be in ninth grade," I said after my short debate with myself.

"Are you sure?" the principle asked me and I nodded. "Very well. I'll meet with the principle of the high school and he'll set a schedule up for you that you'll pick up Monday morning. Now, I'm curious. What did you score on your IQ test?"

I looked at Darry so he answered for me. "131."

His eyes widened slightly. "Really? Who would've thought..."

We said our goodbyes and went home. Darry and Sodapop were beaming at the fact that I had a high IQ and tested into ninth grade. The day went so much better than I ever would've thought. No way did I expect it. Darry brought me a bunch of notebooks and pencils from his room. I assumed they were his for college but I didn't say anything. He gave me his old bookbag and I put my notebooks in there.

We all ate a big dinner since we missed lunch and sat down around the TV. I laid on the couch with my head on Sodapop's lap and my feet across Darry's. Neither of them seemed to mind. Darry kept smiling at me. I was still shocked as to how I got those scores. I guess I was just naturally good at school, just like some people are naturally good at sports. I felt something inside of me. Pride, I assumed. I was proud of myself for doing good on the tests. I felt happy for once. Maybe I'd make something of myself so I wouldn't be that kid who was found in the basement. I wanted to be more than that, and I knew I would be.


	17. Chapter 17: Basement Greaser

Monday morning, I woke up to Sodapop and Darry shaking me. "Get up, time for school," Sodapop was saying excitedly, bouncing up and down on the bed. I groaned but listened to him, sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. Normally I would have just listened quietly. I didn't need to with my brothers, though. I was safe with them. I could act like a normal person with them. Most of the time, at least. Of course I could slip up sometimes. Right?

"You sure you're ready for this?" Darry asked me somewhat quietly. The look on his face told me that he wasn't sure. He was doubting letting me go to school.

"Yeah, I want to go," I said, nodding my head.

"What about you, little buddy? You ready to go back?" Darry asked, nodding his head up at Sodapop. Sodapop hadn't been to school since our parents died.

"Hell no, I'm never ready for school," he grinned. Darry rolled his eyes in response.

"Hurry up and take a shower. Breakfast will be waitin' for you when you're out," Darry said, patting my shoulder. I nodded and he got up, leaving the room, but not before telling Sodapop that if he doesn't get ready then he's gonna skin him.

I grabbed a pair of jeans and a sweat shirt before rushing to the bathroom to take a quick shower. I dried my hair off quickly and put hair grease in it. I stepped on the scale, wondering how much I weighed. When I was first taken to the hospital, I weighed seventy. Now I weighed 83. Progress.

I ate a small breakfast, too excited to be hungry. I guess my excitement was showing because Sodapop laughed at me. "Calm down there, kiddo," he said, poking at my head. I swatted his hand away and he stuck his tongue out at me. "Fiesty."

"Aw, Sodapop," I whined, causing him to laugh.

"You're leg is goin' 80 miles per hour," Darry chuckled. "That excited or are you nervous, too?"

"I guess I'm both," I shrugged. We heard a car horn followed by loud footsteps.

"Sounds like the guys are here," Soda said and ran down the hall to find his shoes. I noticed that he lost his shoes often. He lost everything often. He'd lose his head if it wasn't attached.

"Hey, Curtis family!" Two-Bit shouted happily. I jumped out of my seat to go grab my backpack. He laughed when he saw me. "Woah! Somebody excited?"

"Yeah," I grinned.

"Oh!" he said and slapped his forehead. "What grade are you in?"

"Ninth," I said and he high fived me, grinning widely.

"Nice! In school with Johnnycake."

"Where is Johnny?" I asked, grabbing my bag and sliding my shoes on.

"Waitin' in the car with-" A car horn interrupted Two-Bit who only grinned and laughed. "-Steve. C'mon, let's go 'fore he rams us with his car." I froze and for a moment, I thought he was serious. He gently grabbed my arm, pulling me towards the door. "I'm only kiddin', kid. Let's go."

Me, Sodapop, and Two-Bit all piled into Steve's car with Steve and Soda in the front and me sitting in between Two-Bit and Johnny. I was nervous and excited to start school. Darry already sat me down and talked to me, telling me I'd be younger than anybody in my grade. I was only thirteen and everybody else was around fourteen or fifteen. I was okay with it. I just wanted to be in school.

We waited around the front of the school because we got there early. Johnny offered me a cigarrette and I took it. My second cigarrette. I smoked it, feeling my nerves ease a little. Sodapop stared at me and I looked away, not wanting to see if he was angry or not. I figured we'd talk about it after school. Then again, most people smoked. I learned that most greasers were smoking when they were around ten. Maybe he wouldn't mind it since I was thirteen.

Going into school was a whole new experience, as was many things of my new life. Kids were shoving everybody anyway they could. Some laughed while doing it and others started cussing each other out. The Socs were doing a majority of the pushing which made me nervous. I stayed in the middle of the gang but I don't think that was an accident. They all kept glancing at me as if they were expecting me to freak out but I wouldn't let myself. I was going to school for the first time in my life. I wasn't going to let a few people pushing each other to ruin my experience.

"Look, it's that basement greaser," one called out, pointing in our direction. I felt my ears heat up. That didn't take long at all. Basement greaser. I learned that that was my new nickname.

I walked away from the gang and to the office. They waited outside for me, acting casual about it. I told the receptionist my name and she gave me a sympathetic smile before handing me my schedule. Everybody knew who I was and I hated it but I tried my best to ignore it. I showed the boys my schedule. I shared lunch and gym with everybody. Everything else I was on my own in. Nobody liked that, not even me, but I went with it.

I made it to lunch with a bruise. I got that in second period. I sat in some Socs seat, I guess, and he didn't like it very much. Thankfully the teacher gave him a detention for it but that didn't take the bruise away. Not to mention I got laughed at horribly for not fighting back. What did they expect from me? I sighed and searched for one of the gang. I didn't have to, though. Johnny was waiting for me as I made my way to the cafeteria.

"What happened to you, man?" he asked, inspecting my eye.

"People don't like when you sit in their seats," I mumbled. He gave me a sympathetic glance before leading me out the building. "Where we goin', Johnny?"

"Greasers don't eat in the cafeteria," he answered. "Socs try to get us busted for some stuff. We drive to Jay's and eat there."

"Jay's?"

"Like the Dingo," he said. I nodded and followed him. We got to Steve's car and Sodapop went from grinning to looking furious.

"Who the hell did that?" he growled. I took a step back and his face softened immediately, noticing that he was speaking to rough for me. "Relax, kiddo, I ain't mad at you. Who did that?"

"I don't know his name," I shrugged. "Some Soc was mad that I sat in his seat."

"What period?" Two-Bit asked.

I gave him a weird look but answered anyways. "Second. Why?"

"Just wonderin'," he shrugged. "C'mon, I'm starvin'."

We got in Steve's car and drove to Jay's. We just got Pepsi's and chocolate bars but that was a good enough lunch for all of us. Every few minutes, one of them would question me about the Soc that punched me. I stopped answering them after a while because I knew they were just gonna go looking for the guy and I didn't want that. I hated violence, really. The reason why is obvious.

"Aside from Socs, how're you likin' hell?" Steve asked. "Oh, I mean school."

I smiled. "It's nice."

He shook his head. "I don't get how you think that."

Two-Bit checked his watch. "C'mon, guys, let's get back to school."

We made it to school but we didn't make it to class.

We were stopped outside of the school by some Socs who didn't want to let us pass by. "Why should we move for you, greasers?"

"Get the fuck outta our way," Steve spat. He was the meaner one with the Socs. That's what I've noticed.

"Or what?" the Soc asked with a smirk.

"Don't," Soda said, grabbing Steve's arm. He was pulling his fist back to punch the Soc. Soda glanced at me and then back at Steve.

"Fine," Steve sighed, defeated. They didn't want to fight around me.

I took a good look at the Socs. The one who was talking was actually the Soc who punched me earlier. I feared him. I stayed close to Two-Bit because he was a bigger guy. Johnny was on Two-Bit's other side. The Soc made eye contact with me and laughed. "Nice bruise you got there, basement grease. Wonder where you got that."

I felt anger inside of me. I hated being people's punching bag. But one look on his face instantly changed the anger back to fear. I didn't want to mess with him. "Are you the prick who did that?" Soda growled. So much for not fighting.

"So what if I was?"

Soda punched him hard and fast and was suddenly on top of him, throwing hits left and right. The rest of the Socs jumped in but Steve and Two-Bit were on them in an instant, but Steve was fighting two at once. Before I knew it, Johnny was fighting the fourth and final Soc. I stood there like a bump on a log, too scared to move. I felt ashamed of myself. How many fights was I gonna witness where I just stood out of it because I was scared? That couldn't be how I lived my life. But that's all I knew how to do. Take it and wait and don't look for trouble.


	18. Chapter 18: We Finally Have Each Other

"What the hell happened here today?" Darry snapped as me and Soda walked with him to the truck. Johnny was trailing behind us. His parents wouldn't come pick him up. Darry told the principle that he'd take him home. I didn't have to leave school because I hadn't taken part of the fight but Darry wanted to bring me home. The idea of me being the only one in the gang who was in school didn't appeal to any of us much.

I flinched at his tone, knowing he was yelling at me, too. He wasn't, though. I just thought he was. "What does it look like, Darry? We got in a fight," Soda answered smoothly.

"Are you trying to get taken away?" he nearly growled. "You know you're supposed to stay outta trouble!"

"What else am I supposed to do?!" Soda yelled back.

"Walk away!"

I started shaking and I felt the panic in my chest but I did my best to keep it back. "I can't walk away when they're picking fights with-"

"Sodapop!" Darry yelled, slamming his hand on his truck. I jumped. Nobody but Johnny seemed to notice. Just like I think I was the only one to notice him jump, too.

"Darry, shut the hell up and listen to me!" Sodapop shouted. People were staring at us. "Let me tell you my side of the goddamn story!"

I started hypreventilating. I couldn't help it. My vision was blurring. I started stepping back away from them. "Guys," Johnny said quietly.

The air immediately got less tense. "Ponyboy," Darry said gently, grabbing my arm. I pulled away, having a full blown panic attack now.

"Pony, look at me," Sodapop said in a soft voice.

"Breathe, honey. Ain't nobody gonna hurt you," Darry whispered. "Breathe please."

"Breathe for me," Soda said, rubbing my back. After a few minutes of them trying to calm me, it worked. I was breathing.

"All better now?" Darry asked. I nodded. "Good, c'mon, let's get home."

"It wasn't Soda's fault," I said, not moving. "That guy hit me earlier in the day. That's how I got this." I pointed to my black eye. "Then he was messing with us when we were coming back from lunch. We were gonna walk away but then he was asking me about my black eye and Soda...he was only standing up for me."

"Okay, Pony," Darry said gently. He went to lead me into the truck but I stepped back. "I ain't gonna hurt you, honey."

"I..."

"It's okay, Pone," Johnny said lightly. I nodded and got into the truck. Sodapop and Johnny sat in the back.

"I didn't mean to scare ya, Pony," Darry said on our way home. "I just don't want the state to take you guys away."

"It wasn't Soda's fault..."

"I know, Pony. I'll apologize to 'im at home."

"Okay..."

We got home and I was quick to rush to my bedroom. I locked the door before I threw myself on my bed and curled up. I started breathing heavy. I was scared. I was terrified. I was going back into a horrible state of mind. I was seeing flashbacks of different things from the basement. I squeezed my eyes shut tight.

 _"Where are you hiding you little brat?" a voice sneered. I held my breath, terrified. You don't hide from these men. I knew I couldn't hide forever but that didn't stop me from trying. "When I find you, I'm gonna beat the shit outta you."_

 _A five year old doesn't have much self control. I started crying. I have a feeling that he knew where I was but was giving me the chance to come out. He came over and grabbed me by the hair. I screamed out before being tossed to the side like I weighed nothing._

 _He grabbed his belt and, without missing a beat, hit me across the back with it. I screamed and tried to move away as fast as I could but it didn't work. I got hit with the belt again. "You've been such a bad boy..." He grabbed the chain off of the wall and swung it at me. It hit me across the face and I felt the tears well up in my eyes and felt the swelling already begin._

 _His hand slipped into my pants suddenly and I gasped. It was strange. What was a man doing touching where I pee? It made no sense to me. "You're going to grow into a very big boy," he said with a moan._

A bang brought me out of my flashback and I cried out and covered my face. "Ponyboy, oh my god," somebody said and I felt the bed dip in when somebody joined me. I screamed and tried to get away, not seeing what was really in front of me. I was terrified. "Breathe, baby, breathe. You're bleeding. Shhhh, honey." I recognized the voice as Sodapop. Sodapop wouldn't hurt me. I focused my eyes. He was sitting there with extremely worried eyes.

"Soda?" I whispered.

"Yes, honey," he said, reaching over to wipe my tears away. I hadn't realized I was crying. Again. "Your head is bleedin', Pone, and your arm. What did you do?"

"I...I don't...I don't know..."

"Okay, honey," he said, pushing my hair back. I stared at him for a moment before throwing my arms around him, sobbing into his shoulder. "It's gonna be okay, Pone. Darry didn't mean to scare you."

"It wasn't Darry," I whispered, shaking my head.

"What was it then, honey?"

"My thoughts. Soda, I...I'm scared. I don't like being scared."

"It's okay, baby," he said, rubbing my back. "What're you scared of?"

"The basement. I don't wanna go back. I don't. Not anymore. I wanna stay here. I don't wanna be taken away. If I get taken away then I'll be found and they'll put me back in the basement and, and, and-"

"Shhh, honey. You'll never have to go back there. You're safe with us now, okay?"

I couldn't breathe again. I bit back screams as I held onto him for dear life. Everything was mixing in and out of focus. I couldn't tell where I was anymore. All that was keeping me sane was Sodapop's arms wrapped around me.

***Sodapop's POV***

"Darry!" I called out when Ponyboy stopped acknowledging me. I shook Pony gently but all he did was hold on tighter. His sobs were shaking throughout his body and his tears were soaking through my shirt. Darry came in the room but froze when he saw us.

"What's goin' on?" he asked, his face showing what I was feeling: fear.

"I don't know. I came in here and saw him freakin' out. I think he hit his head somewhere cause it's bleedin' and his arm is bleedin', too. I think he clawed at his skin or somethin'," I explained. "He's scared to death. I don't know what to do."

"Maybe he wasn't ready to start school," he said, mainly to himself. "Should I call the doctor?"

I took another look at Ponyboy before nodding. "Yeah...or maybe we should just take 'im to the hospital?"

"No!" Ponyboy nearly screaming, making me and Darry jump. "No, no, no. No hospital. The doctors scare me. No. Please."

"At least we got through to him," I said to Darry before turning my attention back to Ponyboy. "Pony, honey, look at me, please." He lifted his face and stared at me. Tears were running down my baby brother's face. His eyes were wide and terrified. His lip was bleeding as if somebody had split it. He must've bit it. I pushed his hair out of his face and gave him a gentle smile. "You're safe with us. Do you trust me, Ponyboy? Be honest. Don't try to spare my feelings. Do you trust me?"

"Completely," he whispered. I could tell that he wasn't lying.

"Then trust me when I say that you're safe with me and Darry," I said, just as quietly. He stared at me for a long moment before barely nodding. I kissed him on the forehead and I watched as his whole body visibly relaxed. The tears in his eyes stopped coming and the grip he had on me weakened. "You okay now, honey?"

"Yeah...yeah I'm fine. I'm fine."

"What the hell just happened?" I heard Dally ask. Pony jumped and we both turned to see Dallas in the doorway. Anger flashed across his face. "What happened to the kid?"

"A Soc at school," I answered for him, pointing to the bruise. I pointed to the cut next. "We don't know about this yet."

His gaze softened as he took a step forward. "Hey," he said carefully, watching Ponyboy. "Hey, kid, were you cryin'?"

"Yeah, I mean no, I mean...yeah," he said, finishing with a sigh.

"We'll be out in a minute, Dal, okay?" I said. He got the hint and left the room, shutting the door behind him.

"Ponyboy," Darry said, sitting beside us. He looked at him. "What...caused that?"

"You didn't," Pony whispered, shaking his head. He must've saw the guilt on Darry's face, too. In an instant, his arms were wrapped around Darry. Seeing Ponyboy throw himself at Darry made me smile but also brought tears to my eyes. I couldn't tell if Ponyboy was getting better or worse, but seeing my two brother cling to each other like that warmed my heart. I gave them a few moments to themselves before I threw my arms around them both. It felt nice to have both of my brothers in my arms once again. Me and Pony may be orphans, but we all finally had each other.


	19. Chapter 19: New York

***Dally's POV***

The kid was really starting to bother me. He was making me go soft and I hated it. I wanted to just tell the kid to grow up and get over it but I couldn't. I knew he was hurt bad. I knew he was scared. He lost out on everything. The cold part of me wanted to walk away and let him deal with it himself but the part of me that cared about Johnny cared about Ponyboy, too. That side won, just like it did with Johnny. I saw Johnny when I came to the Curtis'. He looked uncomfortable. He told me that the brothers got in a fight and that he was going home.

When the Curtis brothers came out of the kids room, I stood up from my spot on the couch. Ponyboy was cowering behind Sodapop. Darry led the three of them with a near emotionless face. I waited until they were in the living room to speak. "Kid," I said, looking at Ponyboy. He jumped but looked up at me anyways. "I wanna talk to you."

"Dal, I don't-" Darry began to say but I cut him off.

"Don't worry, Muscles," I said, waving my hand. "I just wanna take a walk an' talk with him. You up for it, kid?"

I stared at Ponyboy as he stared past me. I noticed that about him. He wouldn't look directly at any of us. If he was looking at somebody, he wasn't focusing on their eyes. He was focusing on our nose or the wall behind us or anything other than our eyes. Slowly, he nodded. He looked hesitant but relaxed at the same time, which was an odd combination. "Sure," he whispered. He squeezed past Sodapop who had a nervous look.

"He'll be fine," I assured them both. I patted my back pocket. "You know I can hold of anythin'."

"Dal, he's scared of-"

"Fightin', Dare, I know. I'm only kiddin'. We'll be at the lot. C'mon, kid," I said, not wanting to give Darry and Sodapop more time to express their worries. I wouldn't let the kid get hurt. I'd watch out for him even more than I watched out for Johnny. Johnny could fight if he needed to. I doubted Ponyboy would.

"Why do you want to talk to me?" Ponyboy asked quietly as we walked towards the lot.

"I wanta know what happened today. What happened at school?"

"I was messed with all day but only one person hit me," he said with a shrug. "Improvement from before, I guess. I was sitting in his seat. I didn't know, though. It was an accident. We went out for lunch. Johnny found me and took me to Steve, Two-Bit, and Sodapop. When we came back to the school, those same Socs were bothering us. They were talking about how they, you know, hit me. Soda lost it and hit him. Steve, Johnny, and Two-Bit jumped in. Four on four. They all got sent home but I didn't cause I didn't fight. Darry made me come home, though, because they didn't want me in school alone."

"What about at home? What about this?" I asked, pointing to the bandaid on his temple.

"I...don't know. I freaked out, I guess."

"Why?"

"At the school, Darry yelled at Soda. He was mad. I don't know. That wasn't the problem. I had a flashback when I got home. I don't know how I hurt myself."

So Darry scared him. "Your brother didn't mean to scare ya, ya know?"

"Yeah," he said softly, "I know."

"I wanna know somethin'."

"What is it?"

"What scares you?"

"Everything," he said simply.

"Does your brothers scare you?"

"Not Sodapop. Darry does. I don't think he'll hurt me or even try to, but his size...He's really big and has lots of muscles. I trust him almost as much as Soda. I can't get over how big and intimidating he is."

"What about us? Do the boys scare you?"

"Johnny doesn't," he said and he smiled a little. I saw then that I wasn't the only one with a soft spot for Johnny. "I think a lot about him. I feel bad for him. I escaped the pain but Johnny...he keeps it to himself and deals with it. Seeing him makes me sad, but he's my best friend. He's quiet like me and small. He seems to understand what I'm feeling and thinking without me having to say anything. He's observant."

"Johnnycake is one of a kind," I agreed. I waited for him to keep talking. I asked about the boys, not only Johnny. When he didn't say anything, I went on. "How do you feel about all the boys?"

"Two-Bit is funny but he's big, too," he said with a slight shrug that basically said 'what all is there to say'. "He laughs a lot. I trust him. I trust all of you. I knew Steve before. He's like my brother. I trust him. He doesn't scare me much. He ain't so big."

He talked about Sodapop, Darry, Johnny, Two-Bit, and Steve. That left me. "What about me? Do I scare ya?"

He stared at the ground. "Sometimes," he whispered. "You're big. You're loud." He shrugged again. "But I don't know."

"What don't you know?" I pressed. I didn't want the kid to be scared of me. I didn't want him or Johnny to be scared of me. I wanted everybody else but them two to be afraid. I'd feel horrible if the kid was scared of me.

He was quiet for a while but I saw how deep into thought he was. He looked like he was trying to figure out what to say. "Well..." he began slowly, "I kinda look up to you. You're so fearless. You ain't scared of things the way I am. You know how to be tough. I know your father ain't a good person. I know you grew up rough. I could only imagine what you've seen and been through. But you're so intimidating. It's like you're daring people to try to hurt you again." He stopped talking and I remained quiet. I had no idea what to say to that. Before I could digest what he said, he continued. "I don't get you sometimes. You act like you don't care about anything but everybody knows how much you care about Johnny. I guess everybody cares about him, but you seem to take it a step further. And you aren't rough with me like everybody else is sometimes. You don't touch me suddenly like most of the others and when you're talking directly to me...you're softer. And if I can be honest, I think deep down you are scared. You're just a kid, like the rest of us. So even though you act fearless...I think there are still some things that scare you."

I didn't know how I felt about what the kid was saying. Of course I told myself it wasn't true. I wasn't softer with anybody. Not Johnny. Not Ponyboy. I'm not daring people to try to hurt me again. I wasn't affected by what happened to me growing up. I didn't care. I liked fighting. That's why I was tough. I wasn't scared of anything. But I couldn't keep lying to myself. I couldn't bring myself to tell him he was right, though, so I settled for something easier. I pulled out a cigarrette and lit it, taking a long drag on it before speaking. "You dig okay, kid."

"Can I ask you something personal?" he asked, looking up at me with almost pleading eyes. I sighed but nodded anyways. "What's your scariest memory?"

That question caught me a bit off guard. My scariest memory? I reminded myself that I wasn't haunted by my memories but I knew it wasn't true. I didn't think much on them. I never focused on my memories much. I've talked to Johnny a few times, sure, but nothing major. I'd rant to him about something but Ponyboy was asking something different. He wanted to know what scared me, not what angered me. "I'll make you a deal," I eventually said. "I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

"Deal," he whispered.

We stopped walking and set down at our spot in the lot. Our gangs spot was where Johnny slept if he slept in the lot instead of with one of us. It's where one of us went if we needed to cool off or be alone or something. Me and Johnny would sit there a lot. I handed him my cigarrette cause I could tell he needed one. The kid had started smoking, I learned. Johnny mentioned it to me. He said Pony didn't smoke much but I had a feeling that that was gonna change.

"When I was eight, I found myself in this gang up in New York," I said after sitting in silence for a long while. "That gang was tough as nails. If you think I'm intimidatin' then you'd drop dead in fear if you saw these guys. Initiation was terrifyin' enough. They beat you so you'd be able to handle a beatin'. They'd nearly kill you so you just how much you can take. They'd break you so you wouldn't break again." His eyes widened and he had so much sorrow in them. I looked away, not wanting to see pity or anything. I was tough. Nothing bothered me. "My beating was worse than most cause I was so young. Everybody else was around thirteen gettin' in there. I was eight. I didn't wanna be in a gang then. I was a scared little kid."

"If you didn't wanna be in the gang, then why were you?" he asked in a soft voice. He sounded interested, like he really wanted to hear.

I sighed and laid my head back against the broken down car sitting in the lot. "I didn't have much choice in the matter. They saved my life so I owed them. They told me I'd be in their gang and once a decision is made, they won't change it."

"How'd they save your life?"

"My dad kicked me out for a few weeks so I was wonderin' the bad side of New York. I got myself in some trouble. I stole food and money to get by and one day I got caught by what'd later be my rival gang. But those guys in my gang saved me. They said they only did it because they were the enemies. They waited a few days for my body to heal from the beating I had gotten before they gave me another one. Then they left me bleedin' and barely hangin' on to life. They said if I lived, I'd be in the gang. If I died, then, well... Anyways, I found myself crawlin' along the alleyways, lookin' for help. Then one of the rival gang members found me. I thought they were gonna kill me."

I stole a glance at Ponyboy and he looked so...sorry. He had guilt on his face even though I'm sure he knew it wasn't his fault. He felt bad for me. A kid who went through more than any of us put together was feeling sorry for me and what I had to go through. I wanted to smack some sense into him and tell him not to feel bad for me but strangely, I found comfort in it. Johnny listened to a few stories but nothing like the one I was sharing with Ponyboy. Pony was listening to something I never spoke of since the day it happened. This was something that terrified me. Made me not trust anybody, not even my own buddies. But there was Ponyboy.

"He ended up takin' me to some abandoned building. There were lots of those on the rough side of New York. If I thought the beatin' I got from my own gang members was bad, this was merciless. Broke most of my ribs, my wrist, my arm, my collerbone, my leg, my ankle, my nose...It was so incredibly painful. I got stabbed a lot. I was lucky. They missed major organs and stuff. But I still had to get surgery." I lifted up my shirt and pointed to a few scars along my side. He eyed them in horror before I lowered my shirt. "Ended up with some damage to my brain. I was in a coma for two months. When I came to, my new gang was sitting around my bedside. Told me I passed initiation. Blade, the leader, was actually sorry for what happened. At first he thought that they did that to me. He told me that the beating wasn't meant to hurt me as bad as it did. When I told them that it was a rival, he flipped shit. Told me when I got better, we'd rumble. He said that he wanted me to fight with them. I was eight, mind you."

"So...you fought in the rumble?" Pony asked, staring at me with those huge eyes of his. They were wide from what I was saying. He looked sorry and worried still, but I saw something else. A hint of anger? I never saw the kid mad before. I wondered if he could even get mad.

"Yeah, I fought in the rumble. I wasn't supposed to. I was beat up bad. But a little over a month later, there I was. I was the gangs pet. They said they'd watch out for me, and they did. They were protectin' me. It was an all weapons match except for heaters. Everythin' but guns. Knives, chains, you name it. One of our men was killed that night. It wasn't anybody I knew personally but it was a member of my gang still. Watched him die. He couldn't have been more than sixteen. That was probably the scariest thing I've ever seen. It haunted me for weeks until Blade got ahold of me and said if I didn't toughen up I'd end up like that dead kid. I needed to grow a pair and be like him. He beat some sense into me that night. He wasn't afraid to hurt me but he watched out for me better than anyone I'd ever known."

"Where's Blade now?" he asked in a whisper. I smiled lightly at him.

"He's dead, kiddo," I answered. He sucked in a breath and looked away. "He died the night I got jailed. I was ten. He was killed by a rival. He was drinkin' at a bar and was shot in the head from behind. Never even knew what hit him. I was grateful that he didn't know it was happenin'. He was like a brother to me. I nearly lot my mind. I took a heater and went after that bastard. The fuzz got me before I got him. Got thrown in jail. If I thought the gang was tough, I was wrong when I got to jail. Professional hoods, I called 'em. That's what the lot of them were. Stayed in jail for a while. When I got out my dad brought me here to Tulsa."

Ponyboy was quiet for a long time. Longer than I was comfortable with. I told myself he was just processing everything that I said. Right before I decided to just get up and take him back to his house, he spoke up. "That must have been very scary," he whispered. "The whole story. You must have been very, very scared."

"Shoot, kid, I'm over it now," I said, noticing the tone in his voice. He sounded so sad, like he was going to start crying. I nudged his shoulder and smiled at him when he looked up at me. "That was a long time ago. I'm okay now."

"I'm sorry that happened to you," he said and I knew he meant it. He was truly sorry. Most people don't care but I could tell Ponyboy did. He cared about everything and everyone. I'm sure if a Soc sat there and told him their life story, he'd feel bad.

"Your turn, kid," I said gently. He looked down. "We had a deal."

He took a deep breath and nodded. "When I was six, I was getting a normal beating. I was chained to the wall by my wrists and my ankles with my legs and arms spread out to the side. I was being hit with chains. That was their favorite weapon, I think. They had a spray bottle full of water. They'd spray me with the water and then hit me. That made it sting worse."

"Did the do that water part often?" I asked. I knew it made it sting worse but I never had felt it before.

"When I was really bad," he said. I watched his eyes. They were glossing over. I wondered what was going on. Was it because he was scared? Was it because he was getting lost in memory. I wondered if my eyes did the same thing.

"What did you do?"

"I had a nightmare," he said quietly. "I woke up screaming for help. They didn't like that. They had brought a few friends. One had a son. He was my age. He looked so scared. He had that lost look in his eyes. The look Johnny has. They ignored him for a while. One of the guys started touching me there, you know? They were doing something dirty. The other was playing with my, um, backside with his fingers." His face got red when he said that and I felt myself feel more sorry for him. "After a while they moved me to the floor. One guy put his thing in my mouth and another in my, uh, backside. I had to touch two of the other guys with my hands. The fifth one was touching me. I think the one who put his thing in my mouth was the one who was still beating me. He said it turned him on to feel me squirm in pain. It hurt bad. The whole thing. My backside hurt and I was bleeding a lot. My back was cut up and I have some scars there from that beating." He lifted up his shirt and pointed to a long scar across his stomach. "He took a knife and dragged it across here." He let go of his shirt and hugged his knees to his chest. He was shaking and I could tell how scared he was.

"You're safe now, kid," I said softly to him. I threw my arm across his shoulders, trying my best to comfort him. He flinched when I touched him like he usually did but soon relaxed against my touch. He took a shaky breath and continued talking.

"They all took turns doing everything they could to me until they got the idea to give me something," he said and held out his arm. I was shocked at the many different scars he had by his vein. They gave him drugs and they gave him a lot throughout the years. The scars were horrible. He wrapped his arm back around his knees. "It wasn't the first time they did that, but it was the worse. They gave me a lot. I heard them talking about it. They said I almost overdosed. I didn't mind the thought, honestly. I didn't care. Anyways, they noticed that the other boy was still there. They stopped touching me and instead made me and him do things together. They told us what to do and how to do it. If we didn't listen immediately, we got beat bad. It took one time of beating to just go with what they said. We had to do to each other what those men had been doing to me. But I was high on drugs at the time. I kept seeing Soda's face on that boy. I nearly lost it. I didn't want to hurt Sodapop. Then it changed to Darry's face. I started crying real hard. They were my brothers. A few times, I really thought it was them. I kept seeing my mom and dad chained to the wall. I thought I saw them getting beat. That's what scared me the most...imagining them having to go through what I was going through. The beating was bad, sure...one of the worst I got. One of the most painful. But...seeing them there..."

I was amazed at what he told me. He described one of the most painful things I could imagine. It must've been painful physically and mentally. He was raped. Gangraped. Then he was forced to rape another boy while that boy was raping him. He was his with chains and cut with knives. He was tied up and it sounded awful. The sexual abuse must have messed his head up. But what scared him the most was imagining his family being hurt like he had. It wasn't the pain he had to feel. It was the pain he didn't want his family feeling.

"Golly, kid," I whispered, staring down at Ponyboy. I realized then how young he really looked. He was small. He had such a soft yet scared face. His eyes, even though they've seen and experienced too much, still had that innocence to them. He seemed younger than thirteen when he looked up at me with those sad eyes. I found myself stroking his hair without even thinking about it. It just seemed like the right thing to do. "I'm really glad they found you."

"I'm glad, too," he said quietly but I saw something in his eyes. He didn't mean that completely.

"Would you go back if somebody found you?" I asked, fearing I knew the answer.

"No," he said and I knew then that Ponyboy was a liar. If somebody found him to take him back to the basement, he would go. That scared me. It scared me a lot.

That's when I decided that I should watch out more for Ponyboy.


	20. Chapter 20: It's Killing Me (End)

***Sodapop's POV***

"They've been gone for an hour," I said, pacing around the living room. Dallas and Ponyboy went walking to the lot right after Ponyboy had a breakdown. Me and Darry didn't know what they'd talk about. We didn't know how long they'd be. We didn't know if Ponyboy was even in the right state of mind to leave the house. We had no idea if they were safe. Sure, Dallas is one of the best fighters in town, but there's only so much he could do if a car full of Socs jumped them. Or if guys came and found Ponyboy... "Glory, Darry, we need to go find them."

I started looking for my shoes but Darry grabbed my arm. He looked me straight in the eyes. "I trust Dallas. Don't you?"

"Yeah, but-"

"If there was a problem, he'd come get us," Darry said gently, letting go of my arm. "He'd yell. We'd be able to hear it. If Ponyboy had a panic attack, Dal would bring him home. If they needed us, we'd hear them."

I was about to agree but thankfully the door interrupted me. We turned and saw Ponyboy and Dallas coming inside. Dally had a different look on his face. The angry face he normally wore was replaced by one of sadness. And hurt. He looked very sad and hurt. Worried, too. The anger was still there but it was hard to see. Ponyboy looked lost but at the same time he looked a little calmer. He stood close to Dally. I wondered what they talked about. I figured I'd ask Pony later.

"Everythin' go okay?" Darry asked as if Dally had been babysitting Ponyboy and was coming back to drop him off. When I thought about it, I realized that's basically exactly what it was.

"Yup," Dallas said, pulling out a cigarette. "Relax, Muscles. Nothin' happened."

I studied Ponyboy a little more closely. He was shaking. His eyes were sorta hazed over like he was deep in thought about something. What surprised and confused me was how Pony had been holding on to Dally's jacket. Dally didn't seem to mind and I wondered if Pony even knew he was doing it. "Hey, Pony," I said gently. He looked over at me, his eyes looking more aware. "You hungry?"

"No," he whispered, shaking his head. He let go of Dallas' jacket, a light red covering his face. "I'm gonna...I'm tired. Can I nap?"

"Course," I said, smiling at him. He offered a small smile back before walking past me and Darry and into his room. I heard the door close quietly. I looked up at Dally. "What happened?"

"We talked is all," he shrugged.

"'Bout what?"

Dally sighed and leaned back against the wall. "I'm worried," he said and I could tell by the look on his face that he didn't want to admit it. "I think if anybody comes back for him, he'll go with them."

I felt my face pale. "What, why?" Darry asked before I had the chance to say something.

"I don't know. He didn't say he'd go back. He said he wouldn't. But I could tell that kid was lyin'."

"We'll have to keep a closer eye on him," Darry declared. I just stormed down the hall. I was furious. I wasn't mad at Ponyboy at all. I was mad at those people for ruining his life. I slammed open the door to Ponyboy's room and he jumped. He was sitting in bed but I must have scared him.

"What the hell, Pony?" I asked and again he flinched. I didn't realize he was scared, though. I was too angry. "You're staying here. This is where you belong, ya hear me?"

"Ye-"

"I mean it, Ponyboy Curtis. We lost you for too long just to be scared to lose ya again. If anybody comes by that you know, you will stay with us."

"Okay," he whispered. I took a step towards him but he shyed away. "Please, I just...I just wanna sleep."

That's when it hit me completely that I scared him. I immediately calmed down. I took the last few steps to get to the bed and I sat down beside him. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him into a hug. After a few moments, his body relaxed and he hugged me back. "I'm sorry, kiddo," I whispered in his ear. "I just don't wanna lose you again."

"I know," he whispered back. I pulled back and looked directly at him. I noticed how he wasn't looking me straight in the eyes.

"This is where you'll stay," I said gently.

"I will," he said and I knew then what Dally meant. I could tell Ponyboy was lying, too. That terrified me.

I left Pony's room to let him sleep and joined my older brother and Dallas in the living room. "He's right," I said weakly, looking at Darry.

"I know," he said calmly. "I've known it all this time."

"What else did you two talk about?" I asked Dallas.

"I told him a story about New York and he told me a story about the basement," he answered. He looked uncomfortable sharing that. He must've told Ponyboy something that he didn't want anybody else to know. "Well, I'm gonna go to the school and wait for Johnny. Me an' him are gonna be at Buck's."

"See ya, Dal," Darry said, watching as our friend walked out of the house in more of a rush that usual.

"What is goin' on?" I wondered out loud. The look on Darry's face told me he was feeling the same way.

***Ponyboy's POV***

I was filled with sadness after talking to Dallas. He opened up to me about his time in New York. He expressed what he was afraid of. I saw that emotion in his eyes when he talked about it and I knew he wasn't coldhearted. He still felt sadness. He still felt fear.

I was scared of being back in the basement. I was terrified. But I knew I belonged there. I felt like I was going behind everybody's back by even thinking it but it was true. Dallas was loyal. He felt pride from where he came from. He liked New York even though it was a rough place to live. That's how it was with the basement. The basement taught me how to live properly. It made me a better person than I probably was. I was more than content going back there, though I know I would miss my brothers and buddies. But I knew it wouldn't happen. So I tried not to focus on it.

I laid in bed, trying to relax. I tried to put myself in Dally's shoes. I tried to picture what he went through. I tried to imagine it happening to myself. I wanted to know exactly what he was feeling. I wanted to know how I'd feel if I had to go through that. It's hard to tell how you'll feel in a situation you've never been in before but I still tried. I wondered if I'd be scared. I probably would be. I was scared of many things. Most things, actually.

I wasn't getting better. There was no part of me that was getting better. Every touch terrified me. Every sound brought back waves of memories. I couldn't function. I blew it in school. I should've been able to protect myself but when the Socs stood against me, I fell into old patterns. I wasn't going to get better. I was wasting everybody's time. I knew that. I knew Sodapop and Darry would watch as I get worse and worse until they realize I'm no longer able to be helped. I knew the gang would offer their support but they couldn't do much else.

I was wasting precious time and space. I was making things harder for everybody. Things were supposed to be better when I was found. I was supposed to be okay. I was supposed to fall back into routine with my brothers and my parents. I thought I'd get there, too, until my parents died. I had a feeling deep down that things could be okay. I had no hope anymore. I didn't belong in a normal environment.

Images of my old life flashed into my mind and I wrapped my arms tighter around myself. I was tired. I was really tired. The bruise on my face throbbed but it wasn't painful. It was familiar. I didn't mind.

I thought of Sodapop and Darry. I imagined their faces bruised and cut up. I couldn't bare it. It'd kill me. Was that how it was for them? Was it killing them? I hoped not. I hoped not because everything was killing me and I didn't want them to break when they realized just how literal I was being when I say it's killing me.


	21. Ending AN

That was the end to my story, The Basement. Thanks to everybody who's read it, favorited/followed it, and reviewed. I'm currently working on a sequel to this story. I don't know what it'll be called yet, but when I post it, I'll put a link (or something) up on this story, too.

Again, thank you to everybody. The reviews were appreciated.

~Stay Gold


	22. Sequel!

Hey, guys! I posted the sequel to The Basement! Go check it out. It's called **One Step Forward Two Steps Back**


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